Meh, whatever

wow

2009-02-28T11:41:00.002+10:00

I haven't been to this blog in like... ages. 9 months? Something like that.

I shall have to revive it!!

cheer up emo kid

2008-05-21T01:07:00.005+10:00

I was talking to a friend tonight and she said, "C'mon you're not stupid, what do you want? The first thing that pops into your head..." In reference to life in general.

And it occurred to me that all I want - apart from the normal blah blah happy, healthy kids blah blah expected stuff blah blah - all I personally want, for me, is to matter.

Seems simple.

Must be the Leo in me, the ego. Want to matter+don't=depression. Nice logical 1+1=2 type of thing.

I cbf explaining it in words either. Meh. I don't have a job in which I would be missed, my kids all have other people in their lives who could parent them better than me (I should really update my will now that I think about it lol), I'm not contributing anything to society, to the community, I'm really just a house slave with no life lol... baby Alana still needs me I guess. WTB a point to existing, other than as a baby food supply of course. :P

Oh well. Atm I think my point should be to sleep lol.

I'm actually looking forward to the doctor this week for a change. I'm not gonna let them scare me with their "zomg the risks" bullshit anymore, fuck it, everyone has to die of something ffs. So long as I dont end up vegetative or w/e I really don't care. Plus.. *insert grin here*... I'm gonna beg for new pills lol, something a little less meh and a little more woot-happy-pills'y.

And Disso, stress not. I'm fine, just thinking out loud. Plus I seriously do need some sleep - just rambling shit as per usual. :S

Tired.

Ooohh 'cept I just a good blog idea, sigh. I should write it down cos I'll forget by tomorrow. Pen, paper? Somewhere? Sigh.

*Edit* Fuck it, you know what else I want? I want to smile and laugh and actually mean it. Instead of all this woest me emo bullshit, so not me. I remember "me" and this isn't it. Argh, life sux. Whats that phrase that means live for the happy moments and cope with the rest? That lol, insert that phrase here. If I keep pretending will my real feelings just catch up lol? Isn't that what they taught us in psych? Cos, fk, it doesn't seem to work. Meh, whatever.

pennis penos sex bum

2008-05-18T17:33:00.003+10:00

Well. I've been lmao all afternoon, and I don't quite know how to explain why so here's the short version.

Google -> google history -> discover several searches for "sex bum" "pennis pictures" "girl and boy naked having sex" "vaginas" "xxx sex" "sexy girls naked" last Monday/Tuesday -> check IE history -> find some tame and quite un-tame porn sites viewed last Monday/Tuesday -> realises that the only people in the house on those two days (babies excluded) were myself and my 9 year old son -> thinks hard, but nope it wasn't me -> ZOMG MY SON IS LOOKING UP PORN!!!

(And zomg he doesn't know how to spell penis either... pennis and penos lol)

LMAO. How the heck would he ever know about phrases like "xxx sex" or "sexy girls naked"?? Friends at school, step-brothers? I'm seriously amazed and I can't stop laughing. I'm no wallflower and even I haven't seen some of those sexual positions and camera angles before. And, please, fuckedupfacials.com... omg. I soooo don't want to deal with it lol. Sigh.

I'm going to have to sit him down at the pc and show him how google records a history of searches, and how IE records a history of pages viewed... then show him the google searches... and take it from there lol. Curiosity is natural and fine BUT someone's obviously told him about porn on the net, so I'll have to do some parental investigation I guess.

And, dammit, I guess I'll have to have that dreaded sex talk with him lol. Eek.

That is... if I can stop pmsl long enough to talk to him about it lol. *insert hysterical zomg I can't believe it type laughter here*

go go gadget arm... changes tv channel

2008-05-08T12:01:00.004+10:00

I moved my pc to the living room last night, just to try it out... I'm in the middle of converting the computer room to a bedroom for the eldest of the too many kids lol. She needs her space and privacy I think, but thats a whole 'nother story.

So I moved my pc to the living room. Means I'll be able to supervise the toddler better, toilet training will be easier (tiles down here, carpet upstairs, eek!), and... it means I can watch tv. Wow, I haven't watched any real tv for a long time. If there's a series I want to watch, I wait til I can get it on dvd and watch it all at once lol. I mainly just watch a bit of Austar here and there, like Kenny vs Spenny... I miss fabc Kenny and pathetic whiney Spenny lol. Argh, off track again.

On to the point of this blog... here's a list of all the things I've learned from the idiot box in the last, oh, roughly 12 hours.

If it wasn't for the television I wouldn't know that...

I need to buy batteries. Argh at the cricket that was on tv last night at the exact moment that 1. the remote wouldnt work and 2. I was feeding the baby and therefore stuck in my chair for like half an hour. Omg... cricket... *blinks*.
Whoopie Goldberg can sing, really sing. When did that happen? Bring me a higher love. Me too Whoopie. Ditto on that.
Its impossible to listen to music while surfing the net AND having the tv on at the same time. Sigh. There goes that habit I guess.
Sandra Sully still bugs me. I think she's the real reason I stopped watching the news. Sure I could change the channel, but heck. Its an association thing.
I should listen to my kids more. It turns out that the chair at the computer desk in the living room - the chair at the kids computer desk - the chair they've been complaining about - the chair they've been asking me to buy a cushion for - really truly is uncomfortable on the ass. I've had this lower back/butt ache all day lol. Oops. WTB massage.
I need a new tattoo. MTV ftw. I want a heart tattoo next. Just a little cartoon style one, somewhere. Now I know the what, I just gotta work out the where lol. Hmm. Ideas?
I also need to buy a new headset. New headphones, mic... cos if Noah is watching Doodlebops or the Wiggles... noooooo. I'm putting "new headset" on the must-have bread and milk list.
It's mothers day this weekend. Oh. Yay. Not. All my mothers day memories are freakin horrendous. Mother's Day is never really about family time, its always fake bullshit, fake presents, fake breakfast in bed, just fake fake fake. I'm not stupid enough to fall for the "pretend mum/my wife matters cos thats what's expected." MEH at that. I'm sick of freakin fake. I want authenticity. I want to feel real again.... OMG stupid mothers day ads. Don't get me started on this pathetic crap again, argh.

And on that not so positive note I gtg do parent stuff lol. Oh the irony.

A change of pace... a cutesy happy blog... where the fk did all these kids come from? I swear I only had one yesterday... sigh.

2008-05-07T08:36:00.005+10:00

I woke up this morning to discover that my 9yr old son had written a poem dedicated to his almost-2yr-old brother. Cute, nice and all that positive stuff. If I was less heartless bitch and more human, his level of devotion to his little brother might have brought a tear to my eye.

My brother sings and sings,
He sings on the stage.
My brother might even make a book,
Noah hasn’t checked the front page.
Noah is so cute,
He’s growing big out of small.
He’s the cutest baby ill ever have,
Soon he’ll be so very tall.
My brother eats lots of food, such as toast,
I say, sometimes he looks like a camel when he cries.
He eats a lot of food,
He might even eat blue berry pies.
My brother likes a lot of toys,
His favourite toy is Thomas the tank.
He calls Thomas, Toot-Toot,
He loves to ride Thomas to the bank.
Noah is a little toddler,
He’s happy and sometimes sad.
Noah has 4$ in his bank,
He only has 4$ but he’ll never be mad.
Noah has grown a lot,
He plays baseball with one of the smallest bats.
His favourite colour is black,
Noah’s favourite animal would have to be a cat.

By ZJK

Mostly its pure imagination lol.

Son #2 doesn't eat much food at all, doesn't own a baseball bat, doesn't know his colours, prefers dogs to cats and, lets face it, isn't as cute as his baby sister. (Yes, can admit she's my favourite for several reasons, mainly because she can't move yet or answer back. She just sits where you put her and smiles more often than not. Perfect!)

And I guess at some point I'll have to tell son #1 that son #2 actually has something like $500 in the bank... that he is in fact richer than the rest of us... but maybe not today lol.

The main difference between sons #1 and 2 is that #1 has always been the soft, sensitive, poetry-writing, pansy-type boy. He has his boy moments but he still sleeps with his favourite soft toys and still cries at the drop of a hat. He used to love dressing up as spiderman one day, and a fairy the next (hmm... moving on...). Son #2 on the other hand... speaking of batshit crazy... he's a bit more full-on and boys'y. Give him a soft toy and he's likely to peg it at you. He's more of a truck or "tuck" type of boy, a I-can-climb-anything type of boy. A boys'y boy.

Teenage girl hormones aside, daughters #1 and #2 seem quite similar so far, in as much as you can compare a 12 year old girl and a 6mth old baby lol. Girl #1 surfs, skateboards, plays drums, guitar and saxophone... she's "cool"... but she's also one of the smartest kids in her class, a school captain this year, a goody-two-shoes (thats the bit she doesn't get from me lol). Girl #2... well... atm she's learning to sit without face planting and eat food without gagging and throwing up. That's it really. Um... I can't remember where the similarities were now lol. Oh well.

You know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna give them the day off school. Cos I like them today. And they've been at their dads for 10 days ish - I just picked them up yesterday. Yeah, fuck it. I don't feel like driving 30mins to school or making school lunches. Let the kids spend some time together, yep, good idea. Family time.

I swear the whole they-can-help-with-the-packing-and-cleaning-out business has nothing to do with my decision... (woot! babysitters while I do the cleaning!)...

I'm such a nice selfless parent. *pats self on the back*

a heap of shit cos i'm bored and surfing the net looking at crap

2008-05-06T22:37:00.007+10:00

I can't believe the following website is serious lol. First of all, someone writes this shit. Second of all, someone actually BUYS this shit?

Wtf... what advice could they possibly be giving? Unless its a plastic surgeon who specialises in boob job's phone number or something. I mean, seriously, a man's either interested in you or he isn't. Some people just don't have that special quality, that thing that attracts and holds a lover. Get with reality people!

How to get a man to adore you

Have you ever known the kind of woman...

that men fall hopelessly in love with

with whom men want to spend all their time
whom men want to please and do anything for
who brings out the romantic and passionate side of a man, and
to whom men want to give everything?

What special quality, trait, or personality does this woman have that attracts men like a magnet, makes men powerless in her hands, and makes them want to spend their lives with her?

I've personally met many women like this -- and here's the startling observation I've made: These women are not necessarily the most beautiful, the tallest, the smartest, the one with the most gorgeous hair, sexy legs or the most ample breasts, as one might think!

Do you know that you as a woman, have the delicious power to make a man fall in love with you, to influence a man, to bring him to his knees? Do you know how to get a man to want to spend his life with you -- and want to fulfill your every desire?

Yes, it's true! The best part is that you can do it easily and effortlessly by being yourself -- and NOT shaping yourself into someone you're not - just to keep your man interested. I'll give you solid proof of this in a moment.

"The Woman Men Adore... and Never Want to Leave" works... Buy it now!!! Just a zillion trillion dollars probably... You'll discover the secret that will make you radiate like a warm and glowing campfire -- and give you an aura that men will find absolutely irresistible.

* * * * * * * * * *

Ooooh hold on, crisis averted... http://christiananswers.net/q-dml/dml-y030.html

Phew, I think I've finally solved the age-old question of What Is True Love with more random net surfing. The Christians have an answer, praise be to baby Allah! No wait.. Jesus... argh, my mistake. So many deities, so little thought.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
—I Corinthians 13:4-8a

Sounds good to me. Sums up my concept of love anyway. Pity it doesn't happen like that lol.

But wait, theres more. The christian "advice" continues...

Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel.

Oh. I've heard that line of shit before actually. Love isn't an emotion? Love is a practical action? Um... hello? The word dumbfuck comes to mind yet again. How can they be so stupid as to follow up a well written "Love is blah blah" verse with some church-recited bullshit about how love isn't a feeling!? Zomg I might fail at this crap and life in general but I'm not that god damn stupid.

* * * * * * * * * *

Now I'm thinking... time for a bit of urban dictionary dot com. Maybe urban dictionary can help me resolve the love issue.

So... urbandick... what IS love?

Two choices really. It's either #1 or #2. I'm not sure.

#1 Love is...
The most spectacular,indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.
Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.
This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.
It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity.
Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense,and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love. If you find it, don't let it go.

OR...

#2 Love is...
Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing.

* * * * * * * * * *

Hmm. So the dumbfuck christians are only half right, urbandick is undecided on the true meaning of love, and I'm fortunately not stupid enough to fall for the money making ploy of "The Women Men Adore". So I guess I'm stuck then.

Oh well. Time to face facts about my lovelife. F for Fail.

heck, give the girl a beer and a shot and set the clock to 2am... and this is the blog you get

2008-05-03T01:23:00.005+10:00

Ok I deleted this post on the grounds that it suggests I'm a dick. I shall leave the ending only lol.

Who knows what could happen, do what you do, just keep on laughing, one thing's true, there's always a brand new day, I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

Step 1 in this glorious new plan... go to freakin bed so that I at least have the darn energy to live today like its my last day lol. *yawns*

Step 2... buy a new cd. Lol.

LOL... not a shock...

2008-05-02T18:44:00.006+10:00

The Five Love Languages Quiz huh...

http://www.greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp

Score	Love Language
8	Words of Affirmation
8	Quality Time
2	Receiving of Gifts
0	Acts of Service
12	Physical Touch

Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. If two scores are identical, you are bilingual (you have two primary love languages). If the scores of your primary and your secondary language are close (for example, 10 & 9 respectfully), it indicates both are important to you. Whatever a significant other does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you. The highest possible score for any language is 12.

Having a clear picture of your primary & secondary love languages will explain much of your past behavior Think back over the past and ask yourself "What have I most often requested from significant others?" Chances are your answer will lie within the scope of your primary & secondary love languages. You have been requesting that which would meet your deepest need for emotional love.

Yes... you're right Kus... I maxed out the points for Physical Touch. I am a 'ho. Here's the proof!! Actually, that sorta explains why I like the song that JUST coincidentally came on.

I wanna lock you up in my closet when no one's around... you make me so hot, make me wanna drop... I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream... I will let you do anything, again and again... hold me, love me, don't ever go...

Yep, 'ho material. Lucky I fixed that damn vibrator. BBL.

WTB a baby daughter who doesn't fart so bad that I can't breathe when she's on my lap

2008-04-15T10:41:00.004+10:00

Ok I apologise for the woest me'ness of the previous blog. I was just pissed. And not the good sort of pissed, not the oh my god I'm so drunk I have to pee in the back yard type of pissed. Just good old fashioned anger.

Life goes on you know, except of course in those cases, where, well, it doesn't. Um. Yeah. Anyway, I am woman, hear me roar.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about my marriage. I think perhaps I expect too much, maybe its an ego thing, maybe I really am too selfish. But I want it all, not half of it. I want to love and be loved. I want to value someone and be valued in return. No, scrap that. IF I'm in a relationship thats what I want. I'm starting to wonder whether perhaps I'm just the type of person who should be single, on my own, Miss Independent... keep your distance... or however that song goes. It's easier to be single I think, to be emotionally unattached. No expectations, no disappointment, no pain. And no I'm not all stupid depressed, I'm just being rational.

Was my marriage a mistake? Sometimes I think maybe it was, its hard to say. We're not very compatible communication wise, personality wise, any wise... but I look into the smiling faces (heck even the midnight tantrum faces!!) of my children and I know without a doubt that I don't regret it. Whatever happens, my life has been enriched by these two kids. I was not supposed to be able to carry to term, I was not supposed to be able to have more babies... but here are two of them. So fuck fate, fuck all that "whats meant to be" bullshit. I don't think everything happens for a reason but I DO think you're wise to find a reason in everything that happens.

Alana and Noah, and Laura and Zac (but they're older and don't need me as much), are my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I'm tempted to include my latest wow addiction here... my desire to get exalted with the newest faction... but I'm being... good... Fact is, I have my children, I have friends close by who support me, and I have long distance friends who try to listen to my rambling bullshit and not get too annoyed with me lol. Fuck the rest of the world.

Like I said, I am woman, hear me roar.

so its official, I suck at life

2008-04-09T07:17:00.004+10:00

Whoever first said that honesty is over-rated wasn't kidding... oh wait, that was probably me. To be honest, to share secrets, to share your hidden self... who the fuck does that.

Reverse time... 12 hrs ago... I begin to engage in an open and honest conversation with my husband about the past, the present, the future.

12 hours later... I still can't think straight. But now I can't think straight knowing that he's not happy, our marriage is not fulfilling to him, he doesn't care enough about me or us or anything basically to even make an effort. All this time I've been punishing myself, judging myself, dying on the inside, becoming this woest-me-emo person, thinking it was just my depression talking, that of course he loved me he just didn't know how to show it or how to communicate, that sort of thing. But nope. Turns out all those negative self thoughts I had about myself where spot on. Go figure.

"I know I love you but I don't feel it" is a cop out.

"I love you but I just don't care enough", another cop out.

A relationship can not be a success if the two people involved are not being their authentic true selves. A relationship can not be a success if you're only in it for the children or the money or the social standing or whatever other excuses people make. A relationship can not be a success if one or the other person is still in love with an ex, or at the very least, hasn't moved on properly. A relationship can not be a success unless the two people idolise each other, want each other, need each other, have that whole love forever deep soul bond thing working. (I've seen relationships like this so I know that they exist god dammit). And if you're not compatible, if you're not committed to the relationship, if you don't make an active, free choice to be in that relationship, if you don't CARE about it... well. Fail.

Fact is, there is something about me that is missing. I don't have that thing that people have. I don't even know what that thing is. All I know is I don't have it. I've had three primary relationships in my life.... I leave one marriage thinking I was the most selfish biatch in the world, only to have him admit afterwards that he didn't love me anyway. I meet Mr Perfect and fall madly in love, only Mr Perfect has a wife and kids, uses me for a bit then ditches me, of course. Then I get into marriage #2, only to discover two children later that he doesn't care either. I don't have that thing. People "care" but not enough to actually care. I lack in the long term wantability stakes. There is nothing about me that... oh I don't know. I just suck at life I think. I'm a half person who is incapable of being anything else.

I blame my mother. Lol.

Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Get on the couch and blame our mothers?

Go Freud.

stone...

2008-04-08T11:14:00.000+10:00

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND,

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH .

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

“TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE”

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, “AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?”

THE FRIEND REPLIED
“WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT”

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

Sigh, no self control...

2008-03-19T18:39:00.002+10:00

Um, yeah, I have a confession to make.

I'm a cheat, yep, a cheat.

I fail at loyalty and commitment.

I *sob* its so hard to admit... I've found a new love.... FACEBOOK!!

Look me up lol. Jo Cross.

Woot.

P.S. Please don't die. I have enough insanity issues as it is.

2008-01-23T01:20:00.000+10:00

So I had a convo the other day about beautiful song melodies, and it occurred to me that most of the truly beautiful songs are freakin sad ones. Whats with that. Like, seriously... I could name a heap... um, if it wasn't 2am and I wasn't tired.

So I just glanced through my song list to prove my point, as one is apt to do when trying to make a pointless point in a blog. And blah blah I came across the most haunting song ever... My Immortal by Evanescence.

Remember it? Omg that girl can sing. So much emotion, so much soul in her voice. Reminds me of James Blunt. *insert the I saw J.B. on Oprah one day and he made me cry story here*

Anyhoo, My Immortal makes me cry every frickin time I hear it. No matter where I am - car, shopping, sitting at the computer lol, whatever - I hear that song and the tears form. I dare anyone who has lost a loved one or, heck, anyone who has a human bone in their body, to listen to the lyrics and remain dry-eyed. Her voice, the music, the lyrics... its all so hauntingly sad.

I've lost friends and family members. It's devastating. But I can't imagine the sheer loss of life and self that comes with the death of your partner/spouse/lover/whatever. The whole "I will never get to tell you blah blah or do blah blah every again" thing is just... omg... worst nightmare stuff. The finality, the foreverness... I don't know how people do it.

A friend of mine lost her husband last year and every time she talks about it, cries, whatever... I never know what to say cos truth is, I can only begin to imagine just how bad that would be. The love of your life, gone, just like that. *shakes head*.

Heck, losing a lover is bad enough without the death bit added in. Fuck that. At least if your other half ditches you, you can still text them nasty messages or stalk them or bash their car with a tyre iron (I swear it wasn't me lol) or even just cry and hold out for them to change their mind... but none of that really works when its a death issue. Sigh.

My Immortal lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

Hmm. Wow. I just realised I'm not being my normal heartless self. Eek. I blame the late hour, its not my fault. *takes a deep breath*

Order restored. Phew.

Ohhhh. In other news my daughter is scaring me. She's 12 and she's becoming more and more like me every day. And not just in the moody hormonal way, or the scary psychotic way, or the freak out when she gets frustrated way, or the I'm the Centre of the Universe so Everyone Should Bow Down to Me kind of way... oh, wait, I probably shouldn't admit to that. *deletes*

Anyhoo, I noticed today she's starting to use some of the words/phrases that I overuse. It's scary. Sure it starts with little phrases like "what's with that" or "someone ditched someone", but what if she moves on to the bad stuff. Eek. I couldn't count the number of times today that I said, "wait, stop, what did you just say?", only to have her look at me stupidly while she tried to work out what the big deal was.

Truth is I have this terrible habit of saying the most stupid swear words whenever I get a fright etc. Most people just jump and say something like "shit" but I come out with a trail of unrelated swear words. It's a no control, turrets type of thing. "Shit piss fuck" or "fuck flip" or "jesus fucking fuck"... all recent outbursts.

Sigh. I'm a bad parent, but its not my fault I swear. I was born this way.

In other, other news, I have an itch. Argh.

meh to the new year

2007-12-31T08:15:00.000+10:00

Seriously, I don't get the new year hype. New's Years is just an excuse to woot it up and being that I have two babies and no *real* friends (cept for Loo who'll be partying it up tonight, and Disso who lives a bazillion miles away).... well... sorta makes the woot'ing very non-wootful lol.

I was thinking the other day that the whole friend and family thing is a myth. It's all temporary cos people change over time. Either your friend changes in some way - either their lifestyle changes or they move or get married or have kids or get depressed or, heck, get happy lol - or you do. The two things that top the list of the friendship-breakers are 1. getting divorced (holy crap yes... friends will drop like flies when it comes to a relationship breakdown) and 2. having a baby. People are soooo self-centred, its true, but only hard core dedicated friends will put up with nappy changes and extended wait times (while you're doing baby stuff) and all the limits on where you can go and what you can do. Movies, yes. Clubbing... yno. For some reason the bouncers won't let you take a newbie baby with you to the bar. Whats with that.

All of which goes to make net buddies so much easier. Friends you make on the net aren't limited by one's babydom... not really anyway. You just go afk a bit lol. And net friendships aren't affected by things like divorce or marriage or new jobs. And yet... they may feel real but they're not *real*. Sorry Kus... you're not real lol. :P

You know... sometimes I love the net bud thing and sometimes I frickin hate it. This week I hate it lol.

Hmmm. Rambling about nothing again? Where was I? Oh yeah.. new years.

New Years is pfft and meh and all those other meaningless phrases. And yet I still want to make some new years resolutions. So here goes...

Get rich. Um... lotto or something. Woot!
Move. We so don't fit in this house and there's really nothing keeping us on the sunny coast cept for my kids. Gotta sort out the custody arrangements with my ex and then move I think.
Get my body back. Atm I'm so depressed and stressed I don't give a toss if I'm a size 8 or 10 or a size freakin 20. I don't care. I just had two pregnancies in a row, both of which entailed complete bed rest and I'm still in the high risk stroke zone so I barely give a flying fk. But while I'm all like "meh its only 5kgs" everyone else is all "ewwww". I'd like to tell em all to gtfo but I guess instead I'll just do the whole boring diet/exercise thing. Frickin shallow people.
Work or study. Something. Need to do something. I realise I have no babyfree time but heck... I'm quite literally losing myself in washing and cleaning and nappy changing.
Get on top of my emotions. I don't know if its the stress or the depression or the health crap, or maybe all of them combined, but I'm sick of being emotional. I despise weakness and vulnerability lol. And yet here I am cycling from depression to anger with small burts of ok-ness in between. Too many thoughts, too many feelings, its just too much most of the time. I must be terrible to live with lol. Pity my family.
Maybe play WoW less... maybe. Thats a hard call. It's my escapism lol. At least in WoW I'm leet. :D
Sort out my marriage problems. A toughie. I'm lost as to what the right thing to do is. On the one hand I don't want to be in stress-filled relationship where I feel like crap most of the time, but on the other hand... I like living by myself, all that personal space... but I'm not eager to be a single parent again, certainly not with the two babies. Besides, I can still remember the utter loneliness I felt last time... no thanks.

Wow. An honest post for a change. I was gonna make new years resolution jokes... not sure what went wrong there lol.

I think my main new years resolution should be to simply find my "self" again lol. Such a cliche but true. I want the old easy going, flexible, fun, risk-taking, happy, psycho jo back. She's gotta be around here somewhere lol. Maybe I should check behind the tv where all the other missing things tend to go.

So this is Christmas, and what have you done, another year over, and a new one just begun

2007-12-25T22:08:00.000+10:00

Hmm. So thats another christmas and another year gone I guess. Is it just me or does time seem to be speeding up?

Thats my whole blog.

Not much else to say.

Ate too much, drank too much, giggled online too much (apparently lol), talked to the family too much, hid from the family by using the old "must go feed the baby upstairs" excuse too much... basically just did everything too much lol. And now I have a head ache. Although thats probably got something to do with the whole drank-too-much bit.

In other news... I think you were right Kus. A fake woot that feels like a real woot only after beer is added probably has the makings of a fake woot by the end of the day. Wow you Americans aren't so dumb after all, go figure.

Oh and, yeah, my head hurts. Woest me.

10 Alana-specific baby facts

2007-11-29T00:27:00.000+10:00

Baby blob @ 4 weeks

1. She needs to grow into her huge round cheeks in much the same way a Great Dane puppy needs to grow into its over-sized paws.
2. Her nick should be fart girl... she's so loud that she makes Noah laugh.
3. She's actually little and skinny and not the budda baby she appears to be in this photo.
4. Similarly, her hair is darker than it appears here.
5. I think her eyes are gonna be blue, dammit... *swears*
6. Her hair... hmm. It has this whole standing straight up tendency. I think she needs a heavier shampoo lol.
7. She not only looks like a little monkey, she constantly grunts and groans like an animal too. Constantly. I've gotten used to it now but for the first few days it used to keep me awake lol.
8. She's currently average length and weight for her correct gestational age i.e. 37 weeks. But her head is a tad smaller than average... a fact which is made up for in cheek size I think. *points to fact #1*
9. Speaking of growth... she's gone up a whole dress size already! She now fits her 0000 clothes perfectly! Woot, no more tiny baby in giants clothing!
10. So far I like this one. She might not be the cutest baby on the block but I think I might keep her anyway. I'm getting soft in my old age lol. :D

Forget Santa, forget over-indulgent food, forget exy gifts... the thing I could never survive christmas without is panadol

2007-11-28T18:04:00.000+10:00

Joey, you'll survive Christmas by Rolling in Commercialism

Gifts. Gifts. Gifts. That's what the season's all about. Sure, friends and family are great. The food? Delicious. But when it comes to celebrating the holidays, you say, "I love you," with a thoughtful and expertly-wrapped present...and you expect the same in return.

Call it nostalgia, the fun and festivities make you revert to childhood — where waking up at 5:00 am meant you'd be the first to tear into your goodies beneath the tree. Now that you're older, you get that same joy from last-minute shopping sprees and sure, waking up at 5:00 am to tear into your goodies. It's only once a year, so enjoy it while you can!

Hmm. I'm not sure I like Tickle anymore lol. I swear I'm not a gimme-a-present-or-i'll-remind-you-forever-and-ever type of person... honestly. Grr.

Christmas for me is just a time for family and friends to eat, drink and be merry. Thats it, simple. And by family and friends I mean only the real ones, the ones I like. The others can nick off lol. Christmas is about the kids... their excitement etc. The rest is all bullshit.

Christmas... pfft. Anyone want to escape it by running away to a secret tropical island just for, say, all of December? Except of course I'd need to get my pre-baby body back before I could go sit on a beach, sigh. Oh well. Wanna book an island for next year then?

... its me, and I can't get myself to go away... unfortunately lol

2007-11-28T08:05:00.000+10:00

Check out the newbie @ 3 days old

I guess I've not blogged in a while. The last two months or so have been a tad hectic, what with the unexpected-early-by-almost-8-weeks arrival of the newest addition to our brady bunch-ish brood... the 2kg+... who just hit 3kg, woot!... Alana. Yippee, a girl! If I hadn't just given birth I would have jumped off the bed and given a Tom Cruise on Oprah style woot. You know, the whole jumping up and punching the air "I'm so in love" crap. Only not the love crap, the baby girl crap. So it would have been more like... *jumps up, punches air, and says Yes! No penis!* Imo, the male appendage is way over-rated.

Where was I? Got carried away rambling... shock.

Yes, the baby. Alana. Born. 4 weeks ago last Friday. Damn, we should have had a birthday party for her. Cake, balloons... Noah would have loved it. A monthday party, no a firstmonthday party... or something like that.

Speaking of Noah - he's playing the role of big brother quite well so far. No jealousy really. He's very loving and caring towards the bebe. He's a little TOO interested if you get my point. Constantly wants to hug her, tries to pick her up, tries to give her toys, his bottle, wants to share her dummy... and so on. He even tries to run his toy trains and cars and stuff over her as if she were a train track! Oh and he likes to "help" by pushing her swing faster. "Help". Hmm. But yeah, we don't need a baby monitor cos he hears even the slightest noise she makes and goes off running in the direction of her cot. He's like our little alarm system lol.

Older kids are good too. They were a godsend on the morning that I went into labour and my waters started leaking, like, everywhere, and I kept telling myself that I couldn't be in labour... where was I? Oh yeah, the kids. Thank goodness the kids were here lol, and not at their fathers. It was 7.30am and we were almost ready to leave for school when I started leaking watery shit everywhere. Like, wtf. Childbirth is seriously unpleasant. So my mate Laura who was our scheduled "look after Noah during the birth" person just happened to not be local... she was housesitting up north for her jetsetting mother lol. So my 11 and 8 yr old (thank goodness they're responsible... ish... well the girl is lol, no comment on the sometimes-responsible, sometimes-stupid-and-silly boy) looked after Noah for an hour or so while we raced to the hospital and Laura raced to our house. Eek. If the kids weren't there... omg, Noah in the delivery room... omg... Mind you, the kids got a day off school so they weren't complaining. And they were able to see Alana within minutes of being born (well, ok, maybe 45 mins or so... and it was only through the glass of the special care unit where all the sick and premmy babies go lol). But the point is, they got to see her straight away, ish.

Anyhoo... did I mention the baby was born lol? She was really healthy considering her prematurity - and in childbirth terms, the birth was a breeze. Waters broke at 7.30am, I finally realised at 8am that with constant 5min apart contractions I would have to wake WK up and get to the hospital asap, so we left at 8.05am after WK vomited on the front lawn lol, with lightning speed arrived at the hospital about 8.25... and so on. She was born at 9.25am, woot. Only an hour really. Hour and a half if you count the early labour.

Funny but gross story... I was leaking watery shit everywhere, like, everywhere (I might have mentioned this already lol). I got in the car with only underwear on and my shorts in hand. I actually stood up and put my shorts on after getting out of the car at the hospital front entrance lol. I didn't give a shit who was there and tbh couldn't remember if there was 1 person or 50 people standing there lol. Knowing my luck, probably 50. And then... the slow walk through the hospital, up the lift, etc... the watery crap was running so badly you could literally see my footsteps through the hospital lol. How disgusting is that! Hilarious in retrospect but yeah, gross. When we arrived at the birthing suite, the admin girl behind the desk was someone I knew so the first thing I said was "Oh Sam, I've leaked watery crap all through the lift and the hospital, someone might fall over". Cos yeah, I had a huge leak in the lift lol. Not "blah blah, my name is blah blah and I'm only blah blah weeks pregnant and blah blah". Nope, I told her about the watery womb juice that was spread from one end of the hospital to the other lol. Gross.

So, since the birth... Alana only stayed in the special care unit for 2 weeks despite their whole "she'll be here for a long time" attitude. She was healthy and feeding well so wtf leave her there lol. The midwives basically convinced the doctors of this point and helped us get her home faster. And she's fine, good, growing. Sleeps better than Noah did... actually, some nights she sleeps better than Noah does now lol. I think he has my insomniac genes. Might have to get him some... crap, memory loss, word blank... what are those sleeping pills called again? Meh, you get the point lol.

My health, sigh, is still not quite right. I'm still in the risk zone for blah blah *insert doctor ramble here* and I'm still taking my bp meds. Stupid doctors lol. I have to wait a few weeks and then do the whole barrage of tests and craps again... the same stuff that we do after each pregnancy lol. When are they gonna realise just to give up? Heck. Like I said to a mate yesterday, sometimes I wish this brain tumor would just burst and get it over with. Not that I have a brain tumor lol, but maybe I should. At least that would explain both my health crap AND my occasional psychoticness. Stress, depression... pfft to those! Brain tumor ftw. Sigh. My bad. Apologies blah blah.

Hmm, where was I? Oh yeah, we bought Alana home and have been busy settling her in. Atm I'm trying to do a heap of spring cleaning before christmas hits, but its hard when I only get brief moments of time between all the kids (yes, ALL the kids, WK included) to get things done. For 3 days now all of the furniture has been moved away from walls and everything is picked up and piled up on everything else cos, dammit, I'm gonna clean the walls. I get a bit further in my preparation each day lol, maybe today I'll actually get to start cleaning them lol. I think it'll be 2008 before I'm finished... and I've already told the family that there will be no christmas until its done, no tree, no anything... so maybe I'll save some $$ this year lol.

Sigh. I remember - vaguely - when life was fun and interesting and about more than just cleaning house and changing nappies and breast feeding and driving kids here and there. Oh the memories. :P

Christmas huh. I wish we could afford to go away. Actually, I want to move lol. Somewhere like Perth. That'd be good. I'm into escapism lol. *hands WK job ads for Tasmania and WA and Timbuktu*

On a positive note, Noah's getting some really cool presents this year, including a train set and a big ride-on thomas the tank engine car type of thing. He's gonna literally wee himself with excitement me thinks. I'm still hoping to get the kids a computer (amongst other stuff lol), but not sure hows that coming along. But tbh thats sorta a present for me as well cos it'll get them off my damn computer lol. Woot! And I won't have to put up with my daughter standing over my shoulder every time I do get a chance to sit at the pc... yep she just stands there and "waits". Sigh.

I guess I gtg. Alana's awake and whingey, Noahs trying to pick her up and getting distressed cos I said no... and now he's on WK's computer chair destroying everything on his desk lol. And meanwhile the walls are waiting for me, sigh. I wish I had WK's sleep ability. Just snore and fart and sleep through every sound - fire alarms included - until you've had your sleep quota and you're all refreshed. Sigh.

Fark, in the time it took me to type that paragraph Noah has made the biggest mess lol. More sighs.

I'll make an effort to take a new photo of Alana and post one up here just for you Disso... lol. I'll try anyway - its hard work walking all the way to the car to get the camera, and then recharging the batteries, and then finding time to take a photo and upload it and post it here... see, hard work! :D

meh

2007-10-09T22:45:00.000+10:00

Ok so I've been to sunny - very sunny - central queensland and back. Did I mention the "very sunny" bit? Heck it was hot and dry. No earthquakes tho.

Sooo many funny things happened on the way there, the way back, while I was there... *points to Craigsy*... but as per usual I can't quite remember all those great blog ideas now I'm sitting in front of the pc. Sigh.

What I can remember -

Cows everywhere, namely the one poor sod of cow who had its head stuck out of the side of a cattle truck. As if it were a dog with his head stuck out of the window of a moving car lol. And not on the safe side of the road mind you, but the scary "omg another truck could come past and whack, instant bbq meat" side of the truck. Poor cow. I wanted to keep him.
Dog hair.. yep, dog hair. Disso has these two beautiful big long haired dogs... and omg you've never seen so much dog hair in your life ever. Still... I'd like a dog lol. Just one a bit smaller and with a lot less hair. A lot less, lol.
The hilariously funny and hilariously gay male flight attendant on the way home. Gosh he was funny... kept telling jokes and little stories and stuff. And then - long story - when we were stuck on the landed plane for an hour just 10metres from the damn terminal... he offered to do a cabaret style dance routine to entertain everyone. Lol. I wish he had... I was gonna video it on my phone lol. Anyhoo, it was one of those "you had to be there type of things" I guess.
The Rocky hospital has a giant - huge, simple lettering, gigantic - sign that says Rockhampton Hospital at the top of the main building. What the? I'm still trying to work out whether the sign is designed to remind the locals where they are (cos lets face it - inbreeding) or to make sure the helicopters land at the right place (well, the pilots are probably locals too lol). And btw... Rocky's a small ish town and there's only one hospital. Its not like you could get confused. Heck, even the out-in-the-sticks hospital where Disso lives only has a little "normal" hospital sign. It seems as if the miners are smarter than the Rocky locals - and if you've ever met a coal miner, thats a truly amazing feat.
It was sooo hot and dry one day that as we drove Craigsy around, we kept noticing hoses everywhere. Any stream of water was like some type of mirage'y thing. From kids playing with a hose in their front yard to people watering their driveways and curbs (yep, it seems these country people actually want their cement to grow, I guess they hate mowing)... it was one of those "can't look away" type of things. Argh, give us a hose! In fact, give us YOUR hose now!
I slept sooo much. Like, 12 hours a day. I think I slept more in 3 days than I do in 2 weeks, seriously. And I had all these weird assed twisted dreams, many of which were set in the nearby mining town where I spent a portion of my childhood. I'd wake up and think, wow I should go visit... but, meh, cbf. The dreams were enough lol.
I read a book, two books in fact, but this one book in particular was really good - Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz. I highly recommend it lol. I did cry a few times reading it, but mostly it was just damn well funny. On the book jacket it actually says "horror", but... no way lol. The ending was silly and way too cliche, but thats ok. I never remember the endings of movies/books/etc anyway lol. Give me a month and I'll be like, how did that book end again?
It "rained" one afternoon, and all the townspeople were talking about the "rain". And I use quotations because this "rain" included about 15mins of wind, 1 thunder clap, no lightning, 3 clouds and about, hmm, 2minutes of spitting rain. Wow. Rain... lol. Shivers, when it rains at home it pours frickin cats and dogs for days on end. That reminds me, I so need to buy a dryer before this next baby arrives by stork... that is what happens, isn't it? Be damned if I'm doing the birth thing again.

*yawns* tired.

I took way too long to write this blog lol. Theres heaps of other stuff but, meh.

I know, I know

2007-09-25T20:17:00.000+10:00

Yeah, I've been blog ignorant of late. But its not my fault. I blame, well, everyone and everything except me.

To recap -

I am still wow addicted. I now have a 70 lock, 70 mage and a 40 priest. Oh, and I just made another character lol, a little lvl 5 rogue. For when I get bored.
Speaking of World of Warcraft, our guild leader Strag made a not so exciting wow video (for a first attempt at a vid it's pretty good lol) and uploaded it to youtube - The Boxer-World of Warcraft
I mention it here cos my succubus is in it lol. She's one of the whores in old town... so I'm semi famous. My warlock Lileek is even mentioned in the credits, woot!
We're over the scary hump of 28 weeks with this pregnancy... oh and we had an ultrasound yesterday in which it appeared that blob either has 1. a vulva or 2. a really small scrotum and even smaller penis. Either or. It wasn't clear enough to be decisive lol. According to WK the baby has girly lips like Angelina Jolie, so maybe it is a girl. Fingers crossed. Either that or I had a secret affair with Angelina. Meh, anythings possible.
Baby Noah is not really a baby anymore. He's walking and even attempting to run... altho the toddler thing... he falls if he tries to run lol. He says a host of words like mum and dad and laura and toot toot and blll for ball. Oh and Dadada in a singsong voice for Dorothy the dinosaur lol.
WK hasn't divorced me... yet. I'm sure its coming one day lol. I don't think I'd like to live with me - living with my daughter (who's way too much like me) is bad enough. :P
I'm heading up to visit Disso in good ol' sunny central qld soon ish. A holiday in the sticks. Oh well, its not like I can afford to go to Disneyland lol. I mean, Blackwater does have some sort of theme park doesn't it? No? A water park? No? A beach? No? A cool shopping centre? No? A cinema? No? Sigh. Damn, and I've already booked the flights.
Noah still loves Thomas the Tank Engine and the Wiggles... and I'm sick sick SICK of both of them. The Thomas dvds are full of phrases like "if I promise to go slow and take care can I be Edward's back engine?" and "blow harder Percy" and "you wouldn't be laughing if you were stuck in the middle"... point is I can't keep a straight face lol. Yeah yeah, dirty mind and all that. But are the English REALLY that naive they don't notice the double meanings in the Thomas dialogue lol?

Speaking of naive and disneyland... I stumbled onto this pic on the Moth's blog. All I can say is "umm". I always knew there was something a little strange about Donald Duck lol.

you know you're gonna have a bad day when

2007-09-15T09:39:00.000+10:00

... you find yourself crying at 8am while listening to a song ironically and yet appropriately titled Big Girls Don't Cry.

What the?

I guess I'm not a big girl then... which is sort of a good thing... isn't it?

Stupid emotions.

Homer: I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

2007-08-29T00:39:00.001+10:00

I can't stop stumbling... constantly. Stumble stumble stumble.

I think I need help.

I've been sitting here in the one spot stumbling over and over again for about 5 hours.

Help?

Sigh.

http://www.stumbleupon.com

From jokes to silly pictures to satire websites to addictive little online games... I just can't seem to stop.

Bored... boredom... sigh. Should try sleep. Thats what most normal people do isn't it? Doesn't really fit me today lol.

I should have stayed asleep this morning. Such a nice dream... then... reality... argh.

poetry... pfft

2007-08-28T22:25:00.000+10:00

Whats with the poetry obsession? I mean, sure art is good and personal expression of crap is good... take out the "of crap"... but, really, I'd rather listen to music or read a funny blog lol.

So here's my useful contribution to the online poetry fest ->

The Beer Prayer

Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed by thy drink.

Thy will be drunk,
(It will be drunk!)
At home and in the tavern.

Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
For ever and ever,
Barmen.

(and yes I stole it... I cbf writing stupid poetry crap)

funny cos its sooo true...

2007-08-18T19:02:00.001+10:00

I especially love the horse penis and number of people you allow to use your pc variables. Cos c'mon, show me a person who's surfed porn on the net and hasn't seen an animal penis of some sort and I'll show you a person who lies! Lies dammit!

sigh... the good, the bad and the ugly... what a stupid phrase anyway lol

2007-08-18T11:29:00.000+10:00

Meh, I dunno. Stressful week and I feel all drained emotionally, physically, psychologically... every 'ally' there is lol.

From kids being sick to me being sick to, well, everything. I'd like to have just 24 hours to sleep and eat and breath and shower and just be a normal person instead of a constantly demanded-upon parent, wife, slave... why do women put up with this shit lol. *insert more woest me crap here*

I think I'm probably too anal, too perfectionist-ic if such a word exists. I feel cluttered on the inside when theres clutter on the outside, if that makes sense.

Rewind 5 years.... I used to have this nice little fake-idyllic world, with two kids who hadn't been influenced by the wider world too much yet and actually did things like make their beds and help each other (instead of bickering!), living in my own house with a moderate income, heading albeit slowly towards a financially secure future, with a lazy-assed husband who refused to do anything except whatever made him feel good (cos why would I do something I didn't want to do? um.. to help your family maybe?), with a huge social life and a bunch of friends (most of whom weren't close enough to know the truth about my marriage or my state of my mind), with the support of extended family (not all of whom chose to stay in my circle after I left my ex), with a job that drove me nuts some days but which I intrinsically enjoyed (and now cannot stand the thought of going back to)... so yeah, the good and the bad I guess.

Now... the kids have grown up and I only have them alternative weeks, so I'm not the main caregiver or influencer anymore. They bicker - most of which is brought on by my pre-teen daughter's me-me-me attitude lol (omg I'm soooo not looking forward to the teen years!). My son has become as lazy as his father... literally. Drives me nuts. Then there's the new baby who's 14mths now. Just starting to walk, cute... but very very demanding. He throws temper tantrums already! He reminds me of those strong willed dogs who even as puppies need a darn choker chain to teach them who's boss!! Then there's the new-new baby who hasn't been born yet... and all the stress that my sick pregnancy brings. Then there's the fact that we have no money and our unit is WAY too small for 4 people let alone 5. I only have 10 weeks ish to go and I haven't started preparing any baby stuff yet cos we simply have nowhere left to put his/her clothes, bed, "stuff".

We're renting so we're at the mercy of real estate agents, which sux. Our financial situation is going from worse to worse as we spend the savings to simply pay bills. *insert the word fuck and then the words I need a job not another baby here*

Oh and I forgot WK, the new husband... who's general laziness, computer obsession and inability to communicate in a positive way, compared to my anal-ness, my current illness and lack of energy and my inability to tolerate any from of verbal abuse (comes from having an abusive childhood) seems to be leading to arguments all too often. After already having one failed marriage I get extremely stressed at the thought that this might not work either. And I feel as if its all on my shoulders, my responsibility. I got so despondent this week that during an argument I asked if he thought he should move out for a little while so he could sort out what he wanted from life... if he wanted to be with us, with me, or not, rather than keep on fighting. And he just shrugged and said "whatever". I know in his family its considered ok to swear at people and put them down, to be overly critical, to be selfish and, in my opinion, "nasty" to family members, but I won't put up with that. And I know that I'm too over-bearing and too "cold and clinical" when it comes to solving marital problems (shit my ex used to yell at me to yell at him, instead of being all "miss psychology"). Not that any of this takes away from all those really good, really positive, really bonding moments we share. I could list all of those too I guess but I'm barely in the mood. But, yeah... this weird mixture of happiness and stress in our marriage and my constant fear that its not going to work out... its hard.

Then theres the friend issue... apart from my bud Laura whom I probably do hang with too much (ok ok I can admit it lol), my local friends don't really speak to me anymore. Its funny how people react to a relationship breakup, and its surprising just how many people didn't accept my relationship with WK simply because he's younger than me or because he's christian. Funny in a weird, I don't get it type of way. The rest of my REAL friends all live way too far away and I don't get to speak to them or hang with them as much as I would like to. More blah blah.

I think I'm just feeling really drained and down this week about everything. Part of me wishes I could just curl up in bed and let the world carry on around me lol. I guess thats the old depression hanging on that I've never really gotten out of my system.

Life is mostly good, mostly happy. I love WK and all of my kids - despite their demanding-ness, bickering and selfishness. And yet the depression lives on. Whats with that. Maybe its just that I expect perfection, maybe thats the problem. I expect the kids to do the right thing (perhaps not all the time, but most of the time would be good!), I expect Noah to do normal things for his age (like sleep dammit!), I expect my partner to not just love me but respect and support me as well (but that doesn't seem to be how it works), I expect to not have to struggle so much financially, I expected to be able to put my savings away until I was ready to buy a house again (sigh) ... and so on.

Which brings me back to me. *I* must be the problem. Life was good/bad... I fixed it, started again. Life was good... then the old good/bad came into play again. It follows me everywhere I go. Like I'm cursed or something lol. I shouldnt crap on and get all woest me cos it doesn't achieve anything.

I'm missing something... I think its my soul lol. If anyone sees it wandering around can they return it to me please?

current top 10 eeky things in the life of me

2007-08-05T00:45:00.000+10:00

1. Noah seems to have discovered his manhood all of a sudden. The moment he's naked he stares at his willy like he's never seen it before. Plus he plays with it every chance he gets... its like he's obsessed! He doesn't even play with his toys anymore in the shower, just his "one" toy if you get my meaning lol. What the?

2. Noah is officially booby weaned, yay. Not that I'm gonna get much of a chance to regain "normal" boobs anytime soon... *mutters something about baby blob*... but heck at least I won't be leeched on for a while. Yay, personal space, yay.

3. Our unit is filled with boxes atm, cardboard boxes... we might be moving... damn boxes everywhere!! And not just moving down the street or even to the next suburb - we're considering moving towns. Eeky on its own, but when you add the fact that we'd be moving away from friends but closer to family... now THAT'S an eek!

4. I realised today - while looking at the calendar - that its August, which means its almost Sept... which means its, like, Christmas soon! Holy crap! I think this is what they mean by "christmas in July" lol. You suddenly realise you can't afford Christmas even tho its 5 months away and start to immediately and frantically search for bargains. :P

5. I saw the funniest sight the other day while shopping... remember the Flintstones? No joke, I saw an old woman sitting in a wheelchair, with her feet dangling onto the floor, shuffling the wheelchair along. I swear to god it was an official bedrock wheelchair, minus the stone wheels. Whats the point lol? I wanted to sing the yabadabadooo song Fred-and-Barney-style, but I somehow managed to restrain myself... but only just. Yeah yeah, I know I know... its one of those visual "you had to be there" kind of things but I don't care. Frick it was funny. :P

6....

Ahh fuck it, 5 will do. I'm tired. :P

eek

2007-08-04T07:30:00.000+10:00

In 1987, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from North Western University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1987, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

pearls of wisdom

2007-07-31T23:41:00.000+10:00

"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over
50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

Your friends love you anyway.

oh yay, woot, go me, another fucking year older rolls eyes

2007-07-31T00:28:00.000+10:00

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me...
cos if I don't fucking say it no one else will.

LOL

Meh. Over-rated.

am I the only one who's noticed lifes not like it is in the movies?

2007-07-29T13:15:00.000+10:00

Ok, so unfortunately my birthday's coming up again. Whats with that. Its so frequent it feels like it comes around annually, sheesh.

So here's my birthday wish list:

Peace - not world peace, just Noah peace. Little pest whinges, cries, screams, demands... like... at least 12 hours a day. At least! I know you don't have to like your children every moment of every day, but its starting to get ridiculous lol.
Sleep - I don't even know what this word means anymore, but I'd still like some. :P
Love - I always think back to my ex-inlaws marriage. Neither of them were perfect people but they shared this intense love and respect and it was never more obvious than at birthdays/christmas's etc. Not a single gift giving moment went by without Roy giving Jan a piece of jewellery (or something similar)... some singular act that was always presented in a romantic way in front of everyone... which had no purpose except to say I love you. It wasn't the jewellery that was the point, it was the way it was given. She was his princess, you know... and he always made her feel girly special, if that makes sense. Makes me sad. He passed away a couple of years ago. :(

I dunno, for me personally... I don't get the whole birthday thing. Its just a day lol, and it passes just like any other. I guess you get an excuse to eat cake, but thats about it. :P

I think the reason people get more depressed at christmas/birthdays is because they EXPECT it to be different. Expectations lead to disappointment, which leads to negative analysis of your life and your self, and hence... depression. So its an easy solution really - no expectation, no depression. Simple.

I was married/engaged to the one person for 15 years. 15 frickin years. And I received one actual gift in all that time lol. And no, boring practical things like "oh the iron doesn't work anymore, so we'll buy a new one and I'll wrap it and the kids will think they're giving me a present" doesn't count. He's since moved on to his new gf and gives her super cool presents at every turn, just like his father gave to his mother... like that beautiful watch... grrr. At least he learned something from our failed marriage. But dammit, maybe I wanted a watch lol!!!

So - the point is - if you don't expect people to treat you "special" on your birthday, then you don't get let down. I guess its something you learn as a kid when your family life is fked lol. Actually I apply the same logic to every interaction I have with my parents, so I know it works. :P

So here's hoping I'll be sick on my birthday and sleep for the whole 24 hours. I think its the only way I'm gonna get some of my wishes in lol. *fingers crossed*

life huh

2007-07-28T10:09:00.000+10:00

As per usual...

Noah is screaming cos he's not getting his own way. Shock.
There is housework to do.. washing, vacumming (ooohh I bought a new vacuum cleaner lol, so cool, it actually works!), all the normal crap.
I am sleep deprived, tired, impatient, moody... I've had 2 whole nights sleep in more than a year, its kinda draining lol.
I have a headache and I feel ill... I swear to god I'm either 1. gonna find a permanent method of contraception or 2. I'm never having sex again. Pregnancy and me just don't mix.
The Wiggles is on... "having fun at the beach, having fun at the beach"... I wish lol!
I am broke and stressed about money, the future, everything.
Its 10am and I still haven't had time to shower or get dressed... although I'm blogging aren't I lol. Hmm.
My car is a mess, was due for a clean about 2 weeks ago lol. I don't know how people find the time to do everything - I guess they're not net addicted. :P
I'm daydreaming about all the things I wish I could do, but stuck with all the things I don't want to be doing lol... like car cleaning!
I'm daydreaming about all the people I wish I could go visit... but again... money, time, practicality. Sigh. *waves to Disso from here instead*

In other news... my meds are working consistently atm, so I'm foregoing the normal weekly hospital visits for 4 weeks. Yippee. I can see my GP instead for a month, yay. No parking issues, no hospital staff, no huge waiting time, no creepy physician (yep my physician is creepy lol, very touchy feely, eek). Of course I got the warning speech about "blah blah watch our for secondary signs cos the meds will mask the primary symptoms blah blah", but... woot! This baby sooo better be a girl, a nice quiet placid girl. Or I think I may officially go nuts.

OMG...

OMG...

I just found this site - http://www.babyhopes.com/how-to-conceive-a-girl.html

How to conceive a girl... fkkkk its too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frequency and Timing of Intercourse:

Shettles says in order to increase the chances of having a girl, you should have sex every day from the end of your period up to 2 1/2 to 3 days before ovulation. After this point, do not have unprotected sex until several days past ovulation. (hmm, I can't remember back to the conception dammit)
Intercourse further away from ovulation favors the larger slower moving X (girl) sperm. The weaker Y (boy) sperm will die more quickly in the more acidic preovulatory vaginal / cervical secretions and by the time of ovulation there will be a much larger concentration of X (girl) sperm available to fertilize the egg. (so boy sperm is weaker huh... that'd be right!)

Sexual Position:

Shettles suggests that if you are trying to conceive a girl, shallow penetration from your partner, preferably with the missionary position, will deposit the sperm closer to the entrance to the vagina. This area is more acidic than closer to the cervix and acidity will work against the weaker "boy" sperm leaving more "girl" sperm available to fertilize your egg. (umm, ok... am I the only one who finds this eeky?)

Sex and Orgasms:

When trying to conceive a girl, Shettles recommends that you don't orgasm during sex as the body produces substances after orgasm that makes the vaginal environment more alkaline, which favors the "boy" sperm. (what the fk!!!!!!!!! I bet Shettles is a guy!!!)
The contractions which accompany an orgasm help move the sperm up and into the cervix, giving the "boy" sperm an extra chance at being available when your egg is available for fertilization.

Sigh.

Makes me wonder what type of people are THAT gender obsessed that they'd go to this much trouble to try to slightly increase the chance they'd get a girl... or a boy I guess.

I mean, boys... can... be... ok... ish...

Although... if blob's a boy I'm gonna dress him in pink and grow his hair long and put it up in ribbons and call him something like Lily anyway. I've already bought a few pink girly things lol, to kickstart the process. :D

a... mik

2007-07-15T10:54:00.000+10:00

Mika's a funny funny songwriter. Here's just a snippet of the bits that make me almost pmsl -

Oh Billy Brown had lived an ordinary life.
Two kids, a dog, and a cautionary wife.
While it was all going according to plan
Then Billy Brown fell in love with another man.
And its the slow, nice, love song melody that makes it even funnier... poor Billy Brown. And poor Billy Brown's wife!

Sucking too hard on your lollipop,
or love's gonna get you down,
I don't get it! Message: suck on a lollipop so that love doesn't get you down? Heck. *runs out to buy lollipops*

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!
Hehe. Like that song.

Walks in to the room
Feels like a big balloon
I said "Hey girl, you are beautiful."
Diet Coke and a pizza please
Diet Coke I'm on my knees
Screaming, "Big girl, you are beautiful!"
You take your girl and multiply her by four
Now a whole lot of woman needs a whole lot more
Lol. If WK sings this song to me one more time I'm gonna whack him over the head with my big shovel and bury his big ass in a big hole, grr.

My mate Johnny's a looker
His habit is a one night stand
he would walk the streets in the usual way
Oh, what a pretty man
My mate Johnny was a lover
He fell for the girl next door
she said Johnny I can't be with you
You're pretty but you're also a bore
Finding love was not so easy
Cause people thought that he was too peculiar
So what was left for poor old Johnny
At least he found out that Jesus loves ya
Holy
Well he once was a whore
Now hes a priest at 24
'Cause he's holy
And he wanted the most
Now he's left with Holy Ghost
I prayed for johnny but now johnny prays for me
I prayed for johnny but now johnny prays for me
Holy Johnny... lol.

Sigh. I'm music obsessed. Is there a cure for having an obsessive personality? I get obsessive about everything lol. Even people sometimes. Damn people. Life would be better if there were no people in it... although I'm not sure how that'd work.
In a perfect, ideal world... eek. What a thought. For starters I'd have a nanny and a maid lol. And money.
The people around me would love me and value me and protect me... hmm. A posse of "Joey's a legend" people would be nice. Although that might get boring after a while I guess.
Oh I know what else - I'd have my body back. And my boobs. That'd be good lol.
Oh, and I'd have access to a time machine, so everytime I made a mistake I could go back and correct it lol. Sigh.
I know, I know, I'm being all superficial and self-absorbed but I'm daydreaming about MY perfect world lol, so nick off.

rolling down the sandhills... running up the sandhills... rolling down the sandhills... my god will they just make up their minds!

2007-07-13T17:01:00.000+10:00

What is with the Wiggles. Seriously.

They act stupid on stage, their music is sooo cliche its not funny, they try to stir up the audience (note: the audience of VERY YOUNG CHILDREN) with Americanised, overly patriotic "helllloooo sydddney" type of onstage hype, they mispronounce common words like "ballet" and "baton" all the damn time, and most of the time their supporting cast of singers, musicians, dancers and, yep even the dressup animals, seem to have more talent and on-stage presence than the Wiggles themselves.

And - come on - a rose loving green dinosaur with yellow spots who does ballet? A naughty pirate who makes Captn Jack look sane? A boring brown dog who really does nothing at all? A purple octopus who wears a tie and hat and somehow manages to survive on land? A purple wiggle who 1. gets lost all the time and 2. falls asleep on the spot as if he has some sort of disorder? A yellow wiggle who seems to have had a full personality/body/face lift, as well as a name change from Greg to Sam? A red wiggle who looks more like a skinny crim on crack than an entertainer? And the blue wiggle - Anthony - who grins at the kids and talks in the most annoying over the top voice I think I've ever heard?

COME ON!

Yeah yeah, I could always not buy/burn the dvds for Noah, but... still... he likes it lol. A lot!

Do I have a point? NO! But when you've listened to the same "everyone's waving to Dorothy" dvd for about 5 hours straight, you start to really really really really dislike not just the Wiggles but the colours yellow, blue, red and purple in general.

Perhaps I need to get him a second dvd for my own sanity lol, altho then I'd have two different wiggles shows in my head. Arrgh. There's no escape!

quotes of the day...

2007-07-12T11:59:00.001+10:00

"why can't you just be a normal woman and stop wanting sex after you get married?"
... umm... no

"they're not just trackpants, they're warm winter pants... surely that means I can wear them in public"
... umm... no

"oh so when you say 'whatever, its your choice' you actually mean 'I'll give you a choice but only cos I know you'll do what I want, and if you don't do what I want, then I'll just negate the your choice bit and tell you what to do anyway, either way its my decision not yours'."
... umm... yes

"whats worse, me farting in your car or me getting bowel cancer *insert my silence here* oh great you'd rather me get cancer??"
... umm... maybe... depends.... probably

"so what are you thinking about right now... oh it better not be wow!"
... umm... no comment :P

2007-07-10T21:59:00.000+10:00

Hey Disso...

... remember this phone convo lol. I found a heap of old blogs today that I'd saved as doc files. From the 2005/2006 era lol.

"Depression is a thinking person's disease. Dumb people don't think and therefore don't self-analyse enough to get depressed."

"Wish I was dumber then."

I spent ages re-reading them all - laughing a lot, crying a bit lol. You know how it goes. So many memories and stuff... I tried to find an old blog to re-post here as a "damn I wish msn didn't delete my old space" complaint thingy, but it was impossible to find the "right" one lol. They were all too steeped in the "then" lol.

But this phone convo... where we came out with all sorts of great one (and not quite one) liners about depression and psychiatrists and stuff... fuck it was funny.

Sigh.

So here's an oldie from May last year then - (I was very, very pregnant at that point lol)

*insert vagueness here*

Despite the fact that I'm a highly intelligent and sensitive being (*cough*), I can't think of a better word to describe my current state of existence than the word VAGUE. I am vague. In fact, I've been so darn vague lately that its not funny.

Vague... indecisive... not "with it"... using words like "thingy" and "thingamajig"... forgetful... or in other words... just plain stupid. :S

VAGUE... defined by urbandictionary.com as... A derogatory adjective used to describe one who is regularly unaware of his/her surroundings, situation etc. often appearing as comical to those bearing witness to such antics.

"Unaware of my surroundings"? Uh huh. Like driving along in a state of blissful ignorance, completely unaware of where you are or where you're going... and add to that the inability to see/pay attention to important things like traffic lights and stop signs and, hello... other cars! Am I the only one with red neon Danger signs flashing in my head right now lol?

"Comical" huh? Grrr. Besides... drive with me and you might not find my vagueness so comical. :P

Here's just a few of the stupid is as stupid does things I've done in the past few days ->

I had an itch I had to scratch. Sounds normal doesn't it. You itch, you automatically scratch, without thinking about it. The only problem was that I had WK's PSP in my hands at the time cos I was playing a game. I literally dropped it to scratch myself. I just let it go lol. Eek. It was like my body forgot I was holding it or something.
A day or two later I’m parked at traffic lights with my indicator on, ready to turn left. The lights go green… I somehow drive straight ahead while pointing vaguely at the left turn (indicator still on) and saying out loud, “I’m spose to go that way…” I knew I was turning left, I was ready to turn left… and for some unknown reason I drove straight ahead. Another eek.
And now look... I can't even friggin remember the other stupid stuff I've done. Oh well... further proof of my idiotic vagueness I guess.

Disso and I also had a rather long and random phone convo the other night/early morning. I just thought I’d share some of our oh-so-important theorizing with the world, since we’re such great thinkers and all…

Decipher them if you want to, but its basically one of those "you had to be there" type of things. Excuse the swearing if its bugs you. :D

Dumb fucks don't get it... mental illness I mean.
In fact, dumb fucks are happy fucks. It’s impossible for a dumb fuck to be mentally ill cos that’s where sanity comes from – stupidity.
Depression is a thinking person's disease. Dumb people don't think and therefore don't get depressed.
Why can't I have a REAL mental illness? One with delusions and hallucinations and all the fun stuff.
What do pyschiatrists know anyway? They're just people with an education after all.

LOL

yawns

2007-07-06T17:33:00.000+10:00

Holy fruck I'm tired today. Pretty much no sleep at all last night, and hardly any the night before. The baby's been really sick, all of which escalated last night and led to an emergency dash to the hospital in the middle of the night.

The nighttime staff saw a screaming, uncontrollable, difficult, tantrum-throwing little shit who wouldn't let them take his temperature or feel his stomach or basically even look at him sideways.

Then some smart doctor suggested we don't give him any milk... it seems that babies can develop secondary infections in the gut when they have the measles, and its the heavy milk that is most upsetting for them... so 4 milkless hours later.... the daytime staff saw a nice happy responsive little boy who smiled and giggled during examination. I'm sure they were secretly thinking that perhaps the nightstaff need to work on their bed manner or something lol. Talk about Jekyl and Hyde. Shivers.

So we're home again... and for those who need to know there's only been one diahhrea (how the fk do you actually spell that word?) since mid-morning. And trust me, thats a big yay. No screaming in pain either. Another yay.

Heck, right now the little drama queen is in the shower with his brother, giggling and laughing. While WK sleeps. And I feel like death. Whats with that.

In other news... I'm annoyed too. The holidays are officially over today/this weekend, and I didn't get to do half the stuff I wanted/planned on doing. Another 'whats with that' moment.

The official "didn't get to do it, damn" list:

take the kids to the movies to see Transformers, or to the beach for fish and chips... or basically anyway holiday-ish lol
have our "pretend honeymoon" day (grr, I need that atm)
have my peaceful weekend, my alone time... WK was gonna take Noah to Bris Vegas for the wkend to stay at his dad's house. Can you imagine the relaxation time I'd get? The peace? I'm drooling just thinking about sleeping in lol.
drive up to visit my mother in Bundy and pick up our damn second carseat... long story lol... so frustrating without it!
go to the beach by myself... sit on the dunes, relax, think, sleep... lol. If only.
catch up on the housework (and car cleaning!) after the wedding and Noah's measles etc *pulls a face*
sort thru the wedding photos, get Laura's dress drycleaned... a heap of post-wedding stuff lol
catch up with the Moth today or something before the hols finish and he and his family head home from their refresher "yay i'm back in civilisation" holiday... and not just so I can get the dvd he "owes" me (I'm not that self-absorbed... I swear... I also wanted to make fun of his "aww maybe I'm not an athiest after all" turn around LOL)

Sigh. I really wish I was a superhero sometimes... or a villian... same thing really. I wish I had this awesome power where I could halt time around me. Like when you're sitting on the beach relaxing, or enjoying catching up with a friend. Halt time for a while. Maybe then I would have managed to get through at least some of the things on my "wish I did" list.

Hmm, maybe its cos I haven't had sex in a while or something but... the whole power to halt time thing... I'm having interesting visuals of "sex in public" scenarios. I'm a bad, bad person lol. With an active imagination. Wheres that msn angel emote when you need it?

ffs

2007-06-27T12:27:00.000+10:00

Was I a really bad person in a former life? Or do I just have bad karma lol?

It turns out Noah's been sick and whingey the last 4 or 5 days cos the little pest has got the damn freaking MEASLES!

What the? Spots started appearing yesterday and then this morning he was covered. Grrr.

I think he's a drama queen lol - one thing after another. He's only just 1 and he's already had stitches, antibiotics, middle of the night ambulance visit, viruses... and now the measles! Must be in the genes lol. *points to WK*

So the whole "relaxing" day thing is off. Sigh. At home looking after whingey poo bum instead... and yes I mean Noah lol. The other whingey poo bum can look after himself for a change. :p

i think i'm too tired to blog

2007-06-26T23:56:00.000+10:00

... so I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

Two blogworthy points:

1. today sucked. stressful. hospital visit... saw the physician who looks after me and my health as opposed to the obstetrician who's in charge of the fetus. not pleasant - what with the serious discussion and all lol. long story involving the fact that I think I'm allergic to pregnancy lol. or maybe I'm just allergic to children, hehe. *fingers crossed for little Blobby* yes I realise we need to plan for all types of outcomes, yes I realise this is a high risk pregnancy, and yes I realise the "no more babies" thing lol. but seriously, we're 16 weeks already and things aren't going that badly! Blob's still here and I'm still breathing ffs!

... and cos today was so sucky...

2. we're gonna do the whole fun newlyweds "pretend we're on a honeymoon" thing tomorrow and forget about all the stress of uni and money and blob and, well, everything. go out for breakfast... go for a walk on the beach... hopefully catch a daytime movie... spend money we dont have lol. yay. Noah better damn well behave or it'll be all grrr'y. :P

See? I'm too tired to even use capital letters or punctuation lol.

Meh, whatever.

hyperventilates I saw the R rating, and for a sec I thought "oh fk they're gonna delete me like msn did to my first blog"... but, phew...

2007-06-25T08:29:00.000+10:00

LOL. Stay away kiddies!

Hmm... I need to make this blog worse. An R rating is not bad enough when you compare it to Moth's NC-17 (no one under 17 allowed) rating for his anti-christian whinging "yes we were sheep, but thank the lord we got out... oops, not the lord... thank someone else instead... oh gosh I don't know who to thank now, what do I do?" blog.

So I guess I'll have to add more swear words.
Here goes... just the basics...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
shit shit shit shit shit shit
ass ass ass ass ass ass
bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt
hell hell hell hell hell hell
bastard bastard bastard bastard
piss piss piss piss piss piss
dick dick dick dick dick dick
tit tit tit tit tit tit

Arrgh what have I missed?

roars

2007-06-25T07:12:00.000+10:00

Ok ok... all that Craigsy gaybo gbf astrological crap last weekend (long story lol) got me thinking about what it means to be a Leo. Cos, yeah, I'm not into astrology but its scary just how stereotypically Leo I am.

This info comes from a variety of net sources - I've lost track lol.

Positive traits: Loyal and honest, expansive, generous and caring, house proud, lively, flamboyant, self sacrificing, responsible, takes others at face value, dignified and friendly.
Negative traits: Too much pride, sulky, smug and boastful, likes to keep up appearances, obstinate, arrogant, willful and cold hearted when hurt or upset.

Greatest Strength: Your playful and loving nature
Possible Weakness: Pride/ego

Hmm, yes, so far thats basically all true. Arrogant, obstinate, willful, cold hearted - man I sound nasty lol.

Interesting...
From, I dunno, some website
Leo's are born fortunate (wtf? have you not seen my family?).
Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humour (no comment lol).
Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget (yep, I call it "holding a grudge" :P).
When a relationship breaks down they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. (omg... its like they're talking about my first marriage lol)
Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good.
(And this is where it gets really interesting ->)
There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos:
1. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others.
2. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love.
3. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone.
No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying "flattery will get you everything" applies, but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face (lol, too true!).

So I have an evolving soul huh? Hmm.
I guess I'm not a Sphynx cos I aint that wise lol. Plus "sphynx" refers to the waxing of the ass. So I wouldn't want to be that anyway - sheesh.
I guess I'm not a Lion Cub either cos I'm certainly not a frightened little mummy's boy... or girl... whatever.
So that leaves the Lion I guess. Ego... protective of loved ones... yep, yep. Sigh. How boring.
Give me something I don't know dammit!

So I'm a lion then. *roars quietly cos its still early*

I have no idea where Disso got this from, but...

2007-06-25T06:36:00.000+10:00

This post-it is cute in a bad way lol, and it sorta matches my whole fat-pregnancy-depressed state from earlier in the week.

I, however, would never call myself beautiful, fine or interesting. I may have a Leo's ego but I'm much more realistic than that lol.

And I sure as *insert F word here* would never ever ever say that I am "someone of sound mind". LOL. Never!!

Still... I like this post-it. Meh, whatever.

so self aware, so full of shit

2007-06-20T23:07:00.000+10:00

Bad me...

Phew. I know its bad but... I saw a woman who's ass was literally three times the width of her shoulders tonight. Maybe four times. She gave new meaning to the phrase "all ass". Not that I've heard that phrase before, but meh.

And apart from the fact that she had to walk sideways in between chairs in the restaurant... more bad me... she seemed happily married, two young kids and a normal-assed husband. Please someone stop me lol before I get struck down by lightning.

I'm really not trying to be nasty. I just... it makes me realise I'm not that bad after all lol.

I guess I'm just depressed and frustrated by this whole fat pregnancy thing. Or as WK calls it, the extra squidgy pregnancy bits (GRRRRRRRR). I know its stupid, I know weight doesn't matter blah blah... but fuck it. I am shallow. I'm not a fat person lol. I don't get the whole yuk fat thing. I feel as if I'm wearing a padded 5kg suit and the real me is underneath it lol. If only!

WK and I have made an agreement - cos he puts on weight with me during the pregnancy lol - to go nuts on the whole diet/exercise thing after Baby Blob gets born (what can I say, I crave things like kfc and he eats what I eat :P) . It stresses me to be so... eeky. Can't stand the mirror, can't even stand to look at my dragonfly tatt lol. Cos it looks all... wrong. My poor dragonfly lol. *cries*

My non-out of shape dragonfly on my non-preg body... sigh.
Took forever to find this photo lol.

Speaking of Blob...

I had an ultrasound the other day - but no, still don't know the gender yet. Little Blob was staring directly at the "camera", all sweet and still. Perfect shot of head/torso and all arms and legs.

And just as I thought "awww, maybe I'm not totally anti-maternal after all", for no reason at all, Blob threw this major tanty. Arms and legs flailing in time with each other. What the? Not another one lol. Tantrums and its still in utero? Eek.

Doesn't look like much of a blob anymore either lol. More of a demonic skeletal type of thing these days. But, meh, I like the name Blob.

Did someone mention tatts?

I think I need a new one lol. Gonna start planning it now, so that by the time Blob is out and about I'll be all set to go. Yay, a new tatt for christmas!

About time! Any suggestions? What and where? Something cool but still girly.

Oi... WK, Looloo, Disso (get something Guild Wars-y and Shane'd love it lol), Moth... someone needs to come get tatt'd with me at the end of the year. Get planning! No pikers!

Slavery...

Slavery should sooo be legal. I'm sitting here too lazy to wee, too lazy to get a drink, too lazy to go to bed, too lazy to watch a movie, too lazy to basically do anything cept sit here and stare at the monitor. I'm cold too.

I need someone to do my bidding for me. The kids are still too young for real slavery, and besides, they're all asleep dammit. Whats with that. When they're old enough I'm gonna give them maids/butlers uniforms for christmas (hehe).

I tried to fool 11 yr old Laura into getting me dessert tonight, but even that didn't work. She somehow managed to outsmart me. Sigh.

Yes, I need a slave. A real slave. I'd have to be a guy though, cos otherwise WK'd be forever ogling her. I can imagine it already lol. *daydreams about the perfect slave* Or should that be *nightdreams* since its night time?

Yes, I need a slave. Any takers? Pay's shite (nonexistent actually) but it beats a crap job.

if i was a dog chasing cars all day i think i'd be a mutt... anything but a poodle :p

2007-06-20T10:07:00.000+10:00

"Chasing Cars"...

Maybe its me but I don't understand the chasing cars analogy.

Like, what the?
I like the melody of this song, I like this song.

Well, for a silly girly lovey song that is lol.
I'll try not to bastardise it with stupid sarcastic comments

too much - well, I'll try lol. :P
I need to point out, though, that as nice as lying with the person

you love and shutting the rest of the world out is...

there's still the issue of sex.

I can imagine lying in bed, with this song playing, fulfilling the

dream, and then on comes Tenacious D's Fuck Her Gently.

You get the point.
"awww this is nice, lying together, peaceful"
*music changes*
Need I say more? lol

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

("Are" said too much... huh?)

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

(see - whats that mean?)

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

*insert repeated verses here*

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

(my fav verse, sigh)

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Thank goodness this song is mainstream radio crap.

I wouldn't want to be classified as emo lol. Eek!

cutesy ->

2007-06-18T21:13:00.000+10:00

I still can't believe the little pest is a year old already. Eek!

I'm not sure what the point of this face is...

or the pants on the head lol. Little toad.

oops... lovey crap

2007-06-18T20:08:00.000+10:00

I forgot to mention earlier, in the previous blog, about my vow problems (thats v-o-w not b-o-w-e-l btw).

I had written a first draft ages ago, and left it stored on my pc. So... turns out I completely forgot to print it out and take it with me when I packed and left the house, heading out for my 24 hours of fun friend stuff/avoid husband to be stuff. So I figured, what the heck, no big deal, I'll just write new vows. Shouldn't be that hard huh?

Cept I never did. I couldn't decide what to say and I was either hanging with friends or too tired or sleeping or whatever to sit down and try to write something. Turns out it WAS too hard lol.

So 4pm comes around - half an hour to go till the big W - and I still have no idea what to say. I, like, have no vows! I'm fully stressing out. We leave the hotel... and I'm asking everyone around me for some vow advice... eek! We get to the Point and there's everyone waiting... AND STILL I HAVE NO FRICKIN VOWS!

I said a quick hello to everyone, including Luke lol... and then immediately said to the pastor marrying us, "shit Jason I have no vows". I think he actually breathed a sigh of relief lol. Turns out he was really worried about what non-traditional stuff Luke and I might say. LOL. So he just added to the baptist vows we already "had" to say. Talk about a PHEW moment!

Anyhoo, Luke's first vow draft is actually left as a comment (sorta) on the previous previous blog lol. Yep, two previous's. He also did a speech that included what he wanted to say in his vows after the wedding dinner... so I figure wtf. Might as well blog what should have been my vows lol. So here it is:

Luke… I love you with everything I have to give. You are my love, my life, my world, and I thank you for being by my side as we raise our family.

I might occasionally use words like man-boy or geek-boy to describe you, but truth is that without you I would be lost. When you hold me, it’s as if the world stops and time ceases to be. I’ll be stressing out about something and you’ll just walk up and hug me, and suddenly everything is ok. You are the yin to my yang so to speak, and I feel so very blessed to be given the opportunity to share my life with you.

So.. on to the formal bit… I take you, Luke Cross, to be my friend, my lover, my husband. To live with you, and laugh with you. To stand by your side, and sleep in your arms. I give you my hand, I give you my love, and I give you myself.

And btw... you give it back Luke... and by "it" I mean my hand/love/self... and I breaka your legs. And breaking your legs includes slicing off your manhood. Just so you know. No threats or anything (man I don't know why the pastor was so worried about what I might say lol)...

its a love/hate thing

2007-06-18T13:53:00.000+10:00

Wow what a weekend. I wish some parts went slower and other parts faster lol.

Here's the rundown:

Friday -
Yay, time with my best buds who I don't get to see much. Cept Looloo, I see her a lot lol. Hung out, got nails done, chatted about inane stuff, chatted about important stuff, had a few drinks, ate great food... and consequently went to bed way too late. Enjoyed it though.

Saturday -
Soooo hard to get out of bed in the morning. I actually thought about postponing the wedding for 24 hours so I could catch up on sleep lol. Not seriously... but, well, you know. I was tired and wanted to lie in bed all day. One of those "wish time would stop for a while" moments. Noah, on the other hand, was wide awake and crawling all over me from sunrise onwards. Grr.
Conscripted the Mothman to go do jobs for me by loaning him my car - phew. Cos I didn't have enough hours in the day to do everything lol. Thanks!
Pick up kids, pick up cake, get hair done etc, all that "mutton dressed as lamb" wedding stuff... man I looked like a clown. :S
Pick up more kids, drop off cake, and its back to the hotel to prepare food, set up the balcony, ice the drinks... oh and actually get dressed.
Noah, of course, decided he needed feeding at precisely the time I needed to leave for the wedding, so, yup, I was late. Oops.

The wedding ceremony -
Beautiful time of day, sunset. At the top of the boardwalk, the point, on a cliff, overlooking the beach... blah blah. I was sooo very nervous. I can't even put the level of my nerves into words. I was all eeky lol.
Check out some of the pics below. But ignore my fetal gut. Why oh why do all the photos we've seen so far ALL contain my giant stomach! Whats with that! I hate photos at the best of time cos I always look stupid in them. I'm either smiling too much or not enough, or maybe I blinked just as the camera went off, or maybe... meh, trust me, I hate photos. I look stupid in 2D. Point is - I'm all *shudders* in every damn wedding photo. What is wrong with you people! Sigh. I am never (I repeat, never!) allowing photos of me to be taken ever, EVER again.

The fun wedding bits -
We all went back to the hotel balcony (hhuuuugeee balcony!) for drinks and nibblies and stuff. In fact we were there so long that I had to ring the surf club and tell them we were going to be 40 mins late for the dinner lol.
But, meh, there were drinks and chats to be had! (and omg you should have seen the mess in the morning!)
Then it was off to the Surf Club for dinner and a speech or two and the *drools* yummy cake. And of course... more chatting, more drinking, a dance or two... heck, even some pokie playing by the drunkards amongst us.
Retrospectively -
I think most people appreciated the relaxed atmosphere of the ceremony and the celebrations afterwards... altho I know some family members weren't impressed lol. I felt most sorry for my grandparents, who really shouldnt have had to walk all over the place or wait so long for their dinner etc. But I did try to look after them.
A couple of my close friends sat at the kids tables too, so it was hard for them to mingle etc. I don't think they enjoyed themselves much either. :(
But, yeah, I hope most people thought it was a nice wedding. We wanted it be relaxed and easy going - no traditional pompous crap. I hate crap lol. I just hope it didn't come just across as totally unorganised, eek.
Food was great (thanks to Looloo and her mum and Kate - you guys are legends!), there were heaps of drinks to be had (woot!). What more could one ask for lol?
Luke's asked me not to bitch, but I dunno, can't help it. A heap of family members left early, part way through the pre-dinner celebrations at the hotel... thats before we even got to the surf club lol. Makes me feel sad for Luke as well as personally offended. I don't get that - some people just have different priorities I guess. Family first doesn't always apply (oh I just realised thats a Dr Phil quote lol - how sad!)
All in all... and I'm not really bitching, I'm just reflecting on the good and the bad...
It was a no-stress, relaxed celebration with our closest friends and family. I had a good time (even tho Noah was painful here and there), Luke had a good time... and I hope most people enjoyed themselves. We really appreciate the efforts made by everyone to come and spend this time with us, especially those who travelled long distances. We had guests fly and drive to the coast from as far away as Sydney and Mackay and, eek, even Central Qld!!
Today -
Its weird but I'm having a sad day today. Keep thinking about things that happened over the weekend, things that were said, the things I should have said and didn't... I keep replaying stuff over in my head, like its a movie and I'm re-watching my favourite scenes lol. Heck, in some scenes I'm even the director lol, changing things, doing things differently. I think they call that daydreaming lol.
I think I'm most sad that the weekends over, and that we're home already, back to normal life. Sigh.

Like I said before... wow what a weekend.

sigh

2007-06-14T01:55:00.001+10:00

Tired. Really tired. But brain won't turn off. So many things to do. I shouldn't have turned my computer on lol.

I need to write a list, maybe I'll feel more "in control" if I have a silly handwritten piece of paper which I can carry with me everywhere during the next few days. So I don't forget anything. Or miss anything. Or forget to miss anything. Or whatever.

An itinerary. Thats what I need. Yes. Will do that now. Then back to bed.

Short sentences. Somewhat intriguing. Weird, unusual... but mainly just weird.

Now wheres the damn normal paper and pen instead of this monitor and keyboard business?

ramble ramble ramble... don't think, don't edit... just ramble

2007-06-13T20:06:00.000+10:00

So I've been slightly busy in the last week or so. Things to do, places to go, people to see.

Noah had his first birthday this week, which was fun. Hard to believe the little pest is a year old already. On the one hand it seems like only yesterday I was pregnant, yet on the other hand I can't remember life without him... or more specifically, a life without sleep deprivation.

I vaguely recall going to bed whenever you felt like it and sleeping till you woke up. I vaguely recall lying in bed and watching movies all weekend when its pouring rain. I vaguely recall trips to the cinema, and going out for dinner without a stressful "omg lets just go home" ordeal. I vaguely recall nights out to play sport with the girlies, or heck, just nights out with friends in general. I vaguely recall daytime cappucinos and lattes and relaxing shopping expeditions at the plaza. I vaguely recall the ability to be impulsive lol.

I mean, I still do some of these things... but with a little whingey tagalong in his pram with his nappy bag and spare clothes and all that official baby crap. Sigh.

He loved his Thomas trains, and his Thomas cake. OMG did he love the cake lol. He seems to love anything with wheels, and Thomas the Tank Engine in particular - I guess its cos Thomas has that stupid big train face lol. Noah also - unfortunately - likes the Wiggles. I think we should invest in more than 1 dvd tho cos I'm sick to GRRR of the same music and sound effects and dialogue over and over and over and over again. Damn the Wiggles! Damn them I say!

Actually, the little pest goes to his first ever day at day care tomorrow... eek. It'll only be for a couple of hours, and I don't feel bad or guilty lol. Thursday's my doctor/hospital day so it means I don't have to put him in and out the car and drag him around to all the damn doctors. So thats cool. And of course, every 2nd Thursday, when I don't have doc appointments... well, I might try out a few of those vague "latte and shopping" type of memories. Or I might catch up on some sleep lol.

So what else is there? Um...

Still busy with wedding organisational type of stuff. Hope to get the last few things done tomorrow if I'm nice and quick at the hospital.

Speaking of bottleshops (or should I say thinking of bottleshops)... it sux that I can't drink at the wedding. Grr. Going out with the girly friends for dinner soon tho, might indulge in a light beer or something then. Fortunately for everyone else, at least we have a designated driver - ME! Fair not! It's really strange how much I crave things like beer and champagne (I mean, I don't even drink champers!) when I'm pregnant. That sooo can't be a good thing. :P

Hey - question - "girly friends". If a guy is gay is he classified as guy or girl when you're in a group? Cos I'm thinking "girly". Yes he might have a penis, but its like... a fake one. He's not actually a guy guy. He might as well be a girl... know what I mean? Point is, I am happy to have gay guys tag along on girly nights cos, well... they're big girls. =D

Ironically, I also classify lezbo girls as girls, lol. I guess I define "girly friends" as:

girls... of course... regardless of dykedom vs heterodom (us XX chromosome's have to stick together after all!)
gay guys... basically any non-threatening, non-male-y guy I guess (cept how often do you ever seen a non-maley straight guy lol - they might "pretend" to be all snaggy but we know the truth!)

So, basically, a girly friend is any friend who isn't a male-y hetero guy. Hmm. It's sort of an exclusionary definition I guess. Also excludes all variation of husband, boyfriend, partner. Gay boyfriends yes, real husbands no... lol'ing at Disso (yeah yeah, private joke).

So where was I before I got sidetracked? Um... yeah... alcohol. *dreams*

fyi - the 4 most dangerous questions a woman can ask a man...

2007-06-08T21:49:00.000+10:00

1. "What are you thinking, darling?"
2. "Do you love me?"
3. "Does my bum look big in this?"
4. "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

What makes these questions so very lethal is that almost every man gives the wrong answer, leading to a major argument at best, or divorce and murder at worst!

For example:

1. "What are you thinking, darling?"
The correct answer to this question, is, of course: "I'm sorry if I've been a little pre-occupied, my angel. To tell the truth, (as if the bastard ever would!) I was just reflecting on what a warm, caring, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, sexy and stunningly beautiful woman you are and what a jolly fortunate chap I am to have you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the tosser was really thinking about at the time, which was most likely one of the following:
a. Football
b. sex (but not with you).
c. How big your arse looks in that dress.
d. how much prettier the woman next door is than you.

2. "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those who want to make sure the good woman gets the message it's best to be a little more effusive by replying: "Yes, my angel. You know I think the world of you."
Wrong answers include:
a. "Mmm?"
b. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?"
c. "That depends on what you mean by 'love." (Prepare to die...)
d. "Does it matter, darling? It's only a word after all." (This one will probably result in you sustaining serious injuries to the fleshier parts of your anatomy).

3. "Does my bum look big in this?"
This is probably the most difficult question of all. Whilst the correct answer is undoubtedly to confidently and quickly affirm: "No, of course not! You look simply stunning, my angel!" and then beat a hasty retreat, many men make the mistake of hesitating before answering. This is invariably fatal as a woman will pounce on the slightest delay and subject you to a full hour's rigorous interrogation during which she will try on twenty different dresses in the hope of catching you out. Inevitably you will break under the pressure and make the mistake of admitting "you look good in anything, darling." After that, you're lost.
Wrong answers include:
a. "I wouldn't say so, but perhaps the blue one would suit you better..." (Oh shit...!)
b. "Compared to what?" (Almost as bad an answer as [a])
c. "I like a little meat on my women." (Prepare to have you bunny well and truly boiled)
d. "I've seen bigger ones." (this is the clever answer. Or so men think. If you use it, you're dead meat.)

4. "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The 'she' in question could be an ex-girlfriend, a cute-arsed teenager you were staring at so hard that you almost drove under a bus, a page three slapper or the girl next door. In every case, the correct answer always is, "What - that fat ugly old slapper? No, you're much prettier, darling."
Wrong answers include:
a. "Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.." (You might get away with this with some women... the dumb women).
b. "Beauty's in the eye of the beholder, don't you think?" (Nope. Not when she's asking, it isn't, chummy. You're dead meat!)
c. "Yes, but you have a much better personality." (Oh shit...)
d. "Only because she's a bit younger and thinner than you." (Prepare to die...slowly and painfully).

Courtesy of Men: don't answer her!

someecards.com for the perfect message

2007-06-07T22:20:00.001+10:00

Love...

Get well soon...

Encouragement...

Happy birthday...

Friendship...

stolen from james

2007-06-07T18:54:00.000+10:00

1.What's in your wallet? Cards and more cards. Maybe $3 in change... maybe.
2.What's under your bed? Um... just the naughty stuff.
3.What's on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet? Swords. WK has silly swords lol. Even cut me with one once lol.
4.What's in your underwear drawer? Hmm. Underwear? Plus a few extras. ;)
5.What's in the trunk of your car? Oooh exciting stuff - pram, nappy bag, toys and a jack!
6.What colour is the underwear your wearing at this moment? Black. Shock.
7.Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what's in it? Um, no. I should get one tho. *thinks back to when I left a certain noticeably not PG rated phallic-shaped item on the table next to my bed, and the next day my daughter came into my bedroom for a chat, and I forgot it was there, and she had a weird look on her face*
8.Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes what? Nah guilt smuilt.
9.What is the most embarrassing thing in your room right now? Um... the phallic-shaped item which is still sitting on the table next to my bed lol? Sad but true.
10.Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about? Like what? Hmm. I hope my doc doesn't find out I lied about my last hospital visit lol.
11.What is your last thought before you fall asleep? "I hope to fuck that this baby sleeps tonight... he better, or I'll..." *snore*. What can I say? I'm frickin tired.
12.How long have those leftovers been in the fridge? Lol, almost never. Almost. In fact, I don't think there are any atm.
13.If I confiscated your computer and took a look around....what would I find? Illegally downloaded music and porn. Plus a heap of boring animated and other moth-given pics. Thats it really. :P
14.Do you sleep with anything? Most nights just me and my pillow... and the baby... cos god forbid he slept all night in his damn cot. *swears*
15.What is your midnight snack weakness? I don't eat midnight snacks... I do however continually bitch about wanting one. And its normally things like pizza or nacho's or chocolate or coke or kfc or... basically anything bad.
16.Have you ever you shop lifted? Uh huh. Once. Scary lol. My ex-hub was a habitual thief tho (I tell ya, never trust a teacher!). He used to steal random things like a fork or knife from a restaurant, a glass from a pub... just for the "thrill" of stealing it.
17.Have you ever vandalized anything? Does high school count? Me and a bunch of girly friends once wrote nasty stuff on the back of a toilet door about a group of rival girls. Got busted for it too, since, like, we put our initials there lol. 14 yr old stupidity. I wasted hours of my life that week cleaning the damn toilet block.
18.Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? Let's just say yes to be safe. Cos, well, yeah. I know a few devils lol, and I'm a bit of a night owl. :P
19.What do you wait until no one is looking to do? Heck, when is noone ever looking? Shit I have 3 kids and a partner and a cat... there is always SOMEONE around! I barely even get to shower alone dammit!

Thanks to Letters from the Sanitarium for this one. :D

note to self: Why, may I ask, are some Americans so damn self-obsessed? Grrr, get with the program people!

2007-06-04T20:57:00.000+10:00

Answer: Dunno. lol.

In other news...

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat as much.
If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a subject.
People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.
If I live in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. Then, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everyone would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can't think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick 'Americans' as their mascot.
Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?"

LOL. Reminds me of Elliot Goblet.

And if you're in a comical type of mood and feel like poking fun at Americans, read on...

Q: How many Americans can you fit in a phone booth?
A: A whole army....if you put it in a desert and tell them its not theirs.

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

I know, I know, bad bad me. :P

It's not that I don't like Americans... I have some in my family lol. But... meh, whatever.

meh

2007-06-03T21:28:00.000+10:00

Just in one of those off moods. I like this pic - found it a few nights ago on someone's blog somewhere... wish I could remember lol.

The whole person hiding within a person concept - intriguing. And notice how disjointed the "outer" person (the real actual person) is. I also like the fact that the person "looks" the same... the inner and outer person is actually represented the same visually (cept for the disjointed square thing of course lol). Anyhoo I like it and its appropriate atm.

In other news... that little inner person... thats how I sit in the shower lol. The grey stuff is the shower water and the little blue person hugging his/her legs while he's probably asleep (or maybe just very very sleepy) is, well, me!

Um.. what else is there.. meh, whatever. Tired. Hormonal probably. Stuff to do.

And speaking of stuff I just want to reiterate how much I dislike family and all their 'input' when it comes to weddings etc. Like, seriously, if you're thinking of getting married... its just not worth it. Elope instead. Unless you have one of those perfect beaver cleaver type families where everyone supports each other but minds their own business at the appropriate time... meh. Just elope. I hear hamilton island is a really nice "elope here" type of destination lol.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The wedding. Less than 2 weeks away. Its a very low key, informal affair. No big airy fairy reception, no flowers, no bridal party, no church, no rings (*sobs*), no cake... none of the pompous, silly wedding stuff. I'm really looking forward to the whole weekend... its just that we have other semi-more important stuff going on (like with baby blob for instance, and Noah). So when family keep going on and on about wedding crap... I'm like, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Obviously getting married IS a big deal... but the wedding details are so NOT a big deal. Sigh.

I'm sooo talking in circles. Tired. End blog.

Japanese toilet training... eek

2007-06-02T19:20:00.000+10:00

baby blob update

2007-06-02T12:43:00.000+10:00

"Welcome to your second trimester! Your raging hormones could be calming down a bit and you may also notice your nausea tapering off. Most women happily wave goodbye to morning sickness around now (although queasiness can return periodically throughout pregnancy). This week, your baby's face looks much more human, even though she is only about 5.5cms long from her crown to her rump and weighs slightly less than 14 grams. Her eyes have moved closer together and her ears are just about where they should be. Your baby has entered what is known as the fetal period, when tissues and organs rapidly grow and mature. Many women enjoy pregnancy much more in this trimester."

Hmm. So apparently I can't bitch about pregnancy nausea anymore, damn. And its looking more human... great. AND, hmm, apparently its a girl! No ultrasound needed after all! Thanks BabyCentre!!

In other news... that pics looks human?? Eek. And why is that cartoon woman not even showing a tummy? This is my 4th baby... 9th pregnancy all up... so I'm HUGE! I think I was this big at the end of my first pregnancy lol. Stupid non elastic skin and stupid stretchy womb. Grrr.

P.S. Am I the only one who thinks that little widget baby is starting to look really really creepy?

serious for a blog-sec

2007-06-01T19:17:00.000+10:00

I started surfing wedding disasters... looking for an interesting blog idea lol. But I got a little sidetracked by this episode of Dr Phil called Child Predators. Thought I should do my moral duty and pass on the info...

You could be sitting next to one in church or standing next to one at the grocery store. Who is trying to prey on your children? Dr. Phil goes into a maximum security prison and inside the mind of a child predator. Learn how they operate and how to spot them.

Spotting a Predator - The most dangerous pedophile might look like the person next door. A convicted child molester explains how he deceived children and their parents.

According to David, he molested at least 100 children. To get children to trust him, he said he would talk in a high, child-like voice, and ask them about games or toys that they liked. He also said his appearance helped children feel comfortable with him. "If I was dressed in overalls and looked like a country hick, I would appeal to very few people," David explained. Instead, he says he made sure to have clothing and hair that the kids would think was "cool."
David usually got to know the children and their families well. "The grooming process," he explains, "is the time that a pedophile takes in order to get the child ready to be molested. In my case, I don't pounce on them. I don't use money. I don't use drugs. I don't use pornography. I don't say, 'Don't tell your parents.' I look like an all-American boy."
How can a parent spot a predator like David? He explains, "A parent can spot me when I'm going the extra mile, when I'm supposed to be doing something else. When something doesn't feel right to them, that should be a red flag, that should be a warning signal going off. As the saying goes, if something seems too good to be true, it probably is."
If a parent is suspicious that someone is a predator, he/she should take action immediately. "Start asking questions, investigate his background, do whatever you need to do." David says. "Why am I spending so much time [with the child]? Why am I willing to do the extra things that I'm doing? Why do I caress them when I hug them?"He also warns parents about people who try to win children away from their parents with promises of gifts or money.
David chose to be chemically castrated. Every two years he is evaluated, and may someday be released. If he got out today, would he molest children again? "Yes," he answers. "Do I want to be out before I'm ready? No, I don't."

What Parents Can Do - As scary as it may be, parents need to talk to their kids about people who might want to hurt them. The best way to protect your children is to get them involved in their own protection.

Parents need to be aware of possible predators. Typical signs are: someone who seems too good to be true, who offers extensive help to your family, who knows too much about your kids or kids in general, especially if they don't have children of their own.
Talk to your kids about pedophiles as soon as they can understand what you mean. As early as 3-5 years old, when kids begin to interact with the world, they're subject to being victims.
Don't be afraid that you're scaring your kids, but don't ask them to deal with adult issues either. Speak to them in age-appropriate language and give them instructions about what to do. They will feel empowered by knowing how to protect themselves. Be careful sharing your own experiences if you were a victim of sexual molestation, for example. Providing too many details and rehashing the tragedy can create a sexually charged environment and be harmful for your children in the long run.
Kids need to know that they have the right to say no, yell, or ask for help. It may contradict what they know about respecting adults, but if they feel threatened, they have permission to make a scene, or to run away to a public place. And they need to know they won't get into trouble if they were wrong.
Make sure your kids know what is acceptable behavior, and what is out-of-bounds. Make sure they understand that there are private areas of their bodies that no one else should touch.
Rehearse your child's response to danger. If he/she doesn't practice it, your child really won't really know what to do. Telling your child to yell for help isn't enough. In the face of danger, a child could forget, so rehearse, role-play, and practice what your child should do.
Remind your children that predators don't necessarily look scary or strange. A dangerous person could look like the person next door, or even be someone they know.

Sigh. Scary stuff. This is my worst nightmare as a parent. Even beats my fear of sharks and the dark lol.

I swear, if anyone abused/hurt/threatened/maimed/looked sideways at my children, I'd go all "shoot you when you least expect it" wacko. Although a little torture might be in order first... then a shooting... perhaps a bit of a bleed out... bit more torture... you get the picture.

lesson of the day: never lie to your mother

2007-06-01T15:04:00.000+10:00

A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Paul's flatmate, Danny, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.

Reading his mums thoughts, Paul volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Danny & I are just flatmates."

About a week later, Danny came to Paul saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan. You don't suppose she took it do you?"

"Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure," said Paul.

So he sat down and wrote:
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PAUL

Several days later, Paul received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH DANNY, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH DANNY BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM

Everything I've learned in life, I learnt from...

2007-05-30T19:07:00.000+10:00

..."Buffy The Vampire Slayer":

Testosterone is the great equalizer; it turns all men into morons.
The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.
Variety is the spice of bad.
Blood is life. It's what makes you warm, makes you hard, makes you other than dead.
Always carry a beeper in case the apocalypse comes.
A good day to break up with someone is any day but Valentine's Day or your wedding day.
Be careful what you wish for. And whom you make wishes to.
There comes a time when you either have to move out of your parents' basement or buy yourself a Klingon costume and just go with it.
Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever. But get over it or pretty soon you won't have the friends you have now.
There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
Want. Take. Have.
Beer is bad. And also foamy.
There's nothing like getting your ass kicked to make your ass hurt.
People in love are always a little crazy. And a little dangerous.
It's not always about you.
Tell people you love them over and over until it makes everyone uncomfortable, just in case.
Life is like becoming vampire: it's a whole big sucking thing.
The geeks shall inherit the earth. Or possibly conquer it.
In life you can either do things the hard way or...actually, there's just the hard way.
Schools are just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons... Who go on to be very valuable and productive members of society and you should go.
Never kiss your best friend. (Exemption for impending death situations.)
Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. No, really.
Tact is just not saying true stuff.
Saying "as long as nothing bad happens" is the ultimate jinx.
Chicks really dig that billowy-coat-king-of-pain thing.
Life's a show and we all play our part.
Dancing and songs don't always lead to hugs and puppies.
Witty repartee will throw off your enemies.
Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss. Life is just this: it's living.
Always laugh in the face of danger. And then hide until it goes away.
Logic has no place in a rant.
Men like sports. Men watch the action movie. They eat of the beef and enjoy to look at the bosoms.
Graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around and listen to boring speeches till you get a little piece of paper that says you graduated, which you already know.
The "he started it" defense only works in six-year-old court.
The earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
There are three kinds of people that no one understands: geniuses, madmen, and guys that mumble.
Bruises fade but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life.
When you leave someone at the alter, it's really hard to go back to dating her.
It is sometimes possible to save the world with just words, love, and a yellow crayon.

Truth is I stole this blog from Moth... who stole this blog from some other guy (see the Buffy link above). And yes I cut the list down to just the things I've learned lol. I mean, shit, this guy's list was like 150 items lol. I couldn't even concentrate for long enough to get to the end of his list. Seriously. :P

But back to Moth and his What Would Buffy Do blog. People like Buffy (and Angel.. don't forget Angel! *hugs my Angel doll*) because its funny, its unpredictable and, let's face it, cos its just a little stupid at times. Pure escapism and fantasy. The characters were flawed (case in point - Anya) and hence seemed 'real' despite the unrealness of the plot etc. We cried when Buffy and Angel finally did "it" after months of sexual tension... we cried when Buffy killed Angel to save the world... heck, some of us even cried when Tara got shot (not me, tho, I couldn't stand her lol). Some of us also cried when Buffy tried to sing in the Buffy musical episode... "I was in heav---en, I was in heav---en".... I cringe every time I think about it.

Moth, seriously, forget the whole "Buffy is the most religious show on TV cos of the prophecies and cos Buffy is the saviour of the world blah blah blah" crap. What a pile of b.s.

Buffy's not a religion. Buffy isn't a saviour. Buffy is just this: it's Buffy.

yo...

2007-05-29T22:51:00.000+10:00

Yes I am sometimes neurotic and yes I am sometimes sorta OCD-y. Just occasionally. At uni I used to do all sorts of weird stuff lol, like carry my toothbrush everywhere cos I "had" to brush my teeth everytime I ate anything... everytime I drank anything... and omg if I had coke, it was like a 5 min brushing!!

I'm pretty good now tho I think. I still see structure and balance and parallels between stuff... like the white lines on the road, or the distance between my foot and the curb or some other insane thing. I most often think about it in terms of elastics... remember that game kids play with the elastics? You used to have to aim for the perfect centre etc... well thats what I think of way too often with regards to the white lines on the road or the distance between light poles... I know, I know. Weird. Heck... at least I don't tap words out on an imaginery keyboard in my sleep anymore... lol.

Strange thing is, my 11 yr daughter was describing very, very similar behaviour herself on the weekend. She was talking about the white lines on zebra crossings and how she likes to stand evenly on and between them... sigh. Maybe its genetic?

My latest fascination, however, is with number plates and, well, my name (yes, yes, make ego jokes, I don't care). I literally see my name everywhere, in nearly every number plate. Well... the ones that stand out anyway. To the non-me number plates I say pfft!

Not that this is difficult being that there are sooo many ways to give one's name meaning with three letters. Think about it... I have three initials, easy. But I also have a maiden name... and I shall soon be changing my name... so thats actually three different versions of the three initial thing alone. And then, my name being Jo, I can easily adapt this logic to include J-O- and then any one of the 3 surname initials. And then there's the fact that my surname change will actually be to Cross. So not only can that last initial be C, but it can also be X to symbolise an actual cross. And THEN, I used to be called Jo Jo as a kid (hate that with a vengeance, stupid relatives!), so I can also adapt J-J- and then anyone of the last initials as well.

Sigh. Get the picture? It's like my name is everywhere!!!!

I think, well, I know, I'm a little weirded out by the upcoming name change. I've been Jo K for 11 years now and I'm used to it... so I feel almost as if I'm losing part of me. And yet on the other hand... cool, new name lol. Same as Noah, yay. Yep, I'm fickle. But I think this new name initial / number plate obsession is related to the whole wedding thing... or at least I'm telling myself that cos otherwise I seem insane for no reason at all.

Here's just a few of the number plates I've seen recently that made me do a double take and think "omg its me!!" LOL

JSH JSK JSC JSX (my 2nd name Sux :P)

JOH JOK JOC JOX (obvious lol)

JJH JJK JJC JJX (yep, Jo Jo *shudders*)

JNX (Jo & Noah X) JLX (Jo & Luke X)

JOE (well, why not!)

EEK (long story... I so want this number plate!)

INA (just like my car! I've seen a few ina's lately!)

And I get doubly excited if the numbers match too. Like... 317 my birthdate, or 974 my birthyear, or 32 anything - my age lol. I also get excited if I see a car with the same 3 numbers as my ina too lol. Sad huh.

Sigh. Perhaps I should make a new blog label and call it "this insanity is driving me crazy".

omg how many more years of the wiggles have I got left? arrrghhh, someone turn it off!

2007-05-28T11:21:00.000+10:00

Man, I'm so pathetic I cried reading reviews for Pirates 3 this morning. Lol. Seriously.

Plot at wit's end

Kerry Bashford

Although one wouldn't expect it to set sail into the sunset anytime soon, "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End", this third instalment of this spectacularly successful series, seems intent on bringing the action to a close. There is a sense of world ending, as the title suggests, and this is certainly as apocalyptic as an epic gets. But try and make sense of the story and "At World's End" will have you at your wit's end.

While the first "Pirates" concentrated on character and the second accentuated action, the third episode settles for splendour and spectacle. Gore Verbinski takes us on a breathtaking journey with battles more brilliantly rendered and adventure more daring than the first two films. But with all the colour and movement and sound and fury at their disposal, it doesn't make up for a story that seems lost at sea.

What passes for a plot in "At World's End" is a confusing mash of mythologies and seafaring legends as the film struggles towards a coherent climax. In keeping with this being perhaps the darkest of the series, the conclusion is also more melancholy than might have been expected. In fact some might find the whole thing too long and languorous with even the exhilarating set pieces not enough to stop a certain sinking feeling.

Certainly there is no issue with the acting. Having created one of the truly iconic performances of his generation, Johnny Depp does not disappoint. He so owns the character Sparrow, he gets to play it several times over in a number of fantasy sequences. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom are given a bit more to work with too this time around but seem lightweight compared to the scene-stealing swashbucklers at their side.

Thankfully this time Geoffrey Rush steps more into the spotlight and his lock on the character is as impeccable as his timing. Bill Nighy is more touching than terrifying under all that tentacled prosthetics and Chow Yun-Fat is a welcome addition although he is so duplicitous it's hard to make out his motivation - but then everyone seems to be charting their own course here.

In the end the world of the pirates is so treacherous not even the viewer can chart a course safely through its waters. Each character seems on a different quest but in the end, amidst the ear-splitting chaos, you may cease to care.

And from, I dunno, someone else... (I include this part of the review cos I think the best parts of Pirates 2 were the "jungle and beach antics". Pity. Cos it was darn funny.)

While the frivolous insanity of "Dead Man's Chest" is lacking in this new tale, there are enough spectacular action sequences, tongue-in-cheek humour and eye-popping special effects to keep fans of the series entertained... The action sequences are mostly confined to sword fights and cannon bombs between rival ships; audiences who delighted in the jungle and beach antics of "Dead Man's Chest" might be disappointed. At 168 minutes, "At World's End" can get tedious.

The official website - Everything Pirates. I'm really really hoping to go see it tomorrow night. This baby blob is making me so damn ill so damn often its hard to make any plans at all. Grrr.

In other news, I've started to read the news... shocked? Online of course. Not every morning cos that would be, like, a routine. Just some mornings. Like today! lol.

So... *drum roll*... news stories of the day (according to me of course!) -

Gay bar bans heteros... wow, legal anti discrimination. Interesting turn of events.
HA... can love make you fat? Are you too content in your relationship - are you turning into a fatty? Eek. Do the test and find out if this is you... or you could always just look in the mirror lol. Sigh... it doesn't mention pregnancy or illness... or is that just an excuse? Damn.

LOL... 100 impressions in 5 mins

2007-05-24T16:29:00.000+10:00

yawns on cue

2007-05-23T11:24:00.000+10:00

I just got home from taking the kids to school... Noah hasn't slept yet today... there's washing to do and breaky dishes to do and all Noah's mess from last night (man he's destructive!) and beds to make and and and... all the normal vacuuming and toilet cleaning and stuff.

Sigh.

I am a house slave.

Sigh.

I'm not a good house slave atm, granted, but I still feel like one. Perhaps I shouldn't have walked upstairs and turned the computer on....

Can I sit here all day and bitch and moan about the state of my house? Or is that the definition of procrastination?

Sigh.

Maybe after stupid lunch I'll do some stupid house work. Stupid house work is so stupid.

Oh great, now WK needs help analysing that stupid Hinder song lol. Stupidity seems to be everywhere today lol.

*insert more procrastination type crap here*

eek

2007-05-22T23:15:00.000+10:00

Is it just me or are testicles just plain weird?

Wikipedia... The testicle (from Latin testis, plural testes) is the male generative gland in animals. Male mammals have two testicles, which are often contained within an extension of the abdomen called the scrotum.

Thanks Wiki but I sorta already knew that bit lol.

*scours the net looking for interesting info about the aforementioned generative gland otherwise known as the testes*

Wanna know what happens to someone who somehow manages to "lose" his testicles?
Man, youtube is an amazingly educational source...
I wonder if this interviewer managed to keep his job lol.

Um... apparently testicles aren't just a matter of comedy.
They're also a delicassy in some cultures.
Eek. Let's so not go there... I'm feeling ill all of a sudden.

Preparing testicles in Jakata... where they're known as Sweet Meats.
Warning: never eat anything called Sweet Meats when overseas.

Vomit.

Blog over.

P.S. I'm soooo not gonna blog this... but here's the link anyway.
Male genital and rectum exam: a practical guide
About time men experienced invasive medical procedures lol.
LOL.. as in... real life lol'ing.

I dunno... I think at this point I should change my personal motto to "sanity is overrated" and just go with the flow

2007-05-22T21:44:00.000+10:00

I guess I've never really pretended to be 100% sane or, for that matter, 100% "normal". Normal means predictable... and if I was even able to predict my own behaviour, well, I think even I would get bored with myself. I don't like monotony or predictability. Stability and security yes, monotony no.

Like the weekend for instance... *insert drum roll*... Evidence #1 for my insanity.

We were sitting around the house all day Sunday (not our house, the inlaws, but thats hardly the point lol). I kept bitching I needed to "do" something... and about 3pm the bitching increased to the point where WK was like "ok, what the fk do you want to do then?"

My response... "I dunno, something, anything".

Aren't you glad you don't live with me lol.

I need spontaneity every time that spontaneity is actually possible i.e. whenever someone else is there to look after the baby lol. I need to just get up and do "something". I need to jump in the car and wonder where I'm going and what I'm going to do WHILE I'm driving. Yep... I'm neither sane nor a good driver. But, meh.

Which brings me to Evidence #2 in the "i think i'm not sane" theory.

I seem to have a major driving flaw. Apart from my inability to focus on the road and indicate at every turn and all those other blah things that people who get to sit in my passenger seat complain about. It's called minor risk taking people (and by "it" I mean my driving lol), deal with it!

Ok ok... truth is I have this silly habit of crying in the car. When I'm depressed about something, the only places I ever cry are in the shower or the car. When I'm pregnant and hormonal and stressed about pregnancy stuff, I cry in the car. When Noah was in the hospital and I had to drive there every few hours to feed him, I cried the whole way there and the whole way back. Its like my crying spot. In the car. Weird.

And probably not safe lol, since I really should be focussing on the road etc. Oops.

I think its cos the car is this isolated place where I'm alone... cept for Noah of course. I try not to randomly cry in front of the other two kids... cos when I do they of course ask why I'm crying. Which starts a whole convo about something or other... when the truth is that I just do it.

The other day I cried the whole way home from school in the morning, and poor WK had to put up with the mess I was when I walked in the door. A stupid song came on the stupid radio and it got me thinking about a family friend who passed away recently and how sad I was for my family and his family that he wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. At least that was a decent thing to cry about I guess. Sometimes its much more random... altho almost always song-inspired. Eek, emo tendencies.

The ironic thing is that I'm so not an emotional person. Which only adds to the insanity issue I guess. Oops, I probably should have left that little bit of self analysis out. No point adding fuel to the fire.

Let's end with Evidence #3 cos, to be honest, its probably a never ending list... and this is probably the most outstanding piece of evidence to support the "i aint sane" idea.

Assuming all goes well, by the end of the year we'll have another little baby in our midst. Yep, count them. 1.. 2.. 3... 4 children. Thats four. 4. Now if giving birth four times isn't stupid enough, the act of raising four kids is damn well insane. Four. 4. God help me.

lol

2007-05-13T08:53:00.000+10:00

why is it so?

2007-05-11T16:49:00.000+10:00

1. Why does chocolate taste better and why does creamy pasta look so much more inviting when you're on a diet?
Mmm... chocolate...

2. Why do you crave things like beer or vodka when you're pregnant?
Seriously, that can't be a part of the whole evolution thing.

3. Why do some people have all the luck and other people like me have, lets be honest, none?
I can't believe I'm gonna be pregnant at the darn wedding, grr, unfair! I'm still gonna have a champagne or two... I'll just have to hide it from WK somehow. :P

4. Why do other people rave about their perfect babies who "are sleeping all night already" when they're only like, hours old virtually, and I have to have Mr Insomniac Noah who not only doesn't sleep but also hates his cot?
I think everyone else lies lol. It's part of that whole "not my child, my kid is perfect" parenting trap. Either that or Noah's just a pain in the butt.

5. Why is it that everyone makes loud noises around you when you're feeling sick or whatever? Kids suddenly deciding to practise their recorder for instance, at the exact time that your head is pounding - whats with that?
Solution - don't have kids in the first place. My head hurts dammit. Why, oh why did you invent recorders! *shakes fist at God*

WoW... how good is pb?

2007-05-07T08:16:00.000+10:00

Point #1:

My WoW addiction has somewhat fizzled. I'm just too tired all the time to play, and busy. Damn real life getting in the way of my gnomey life! Whats with that! I've only played for about 2 hours in 2 weeks... its insane. :P

Note to self - don't worry yet, I'll get my priorities back soon. Sleep, pfft. Housework, pfft. Parenting, pfft. Helping WK with his uni assignments, pfft. World of Warcraft is where its at.

I miss my little gnomey. Next time I'm WoWing I'll "screenshot or it didn't happen" so I can post a pic of my gnome and my mage.

Yep I have two characters... a gnome warlock and a draenei mage. My g-nomey is lvl 70 so I guess she's my "main" as the wow geeks say, but my mage is getting there, lvl 45. She's becoming more fun to play now that I "get" the mage thing better.

Blah blah.. insert more wow geeky stuff here... blah blah.

Point #2:

PB aka Prison Break, not the dirty flying "wish I was Batman" kinda pb. I'm almost finished watching season 2 of pb. Awesome awesome show. In an effort not to give away any spoilers... actually no I don't care. Stop reading if you don't want to know the "future" of pb.

In season 1 Michael Scofield commits a crime.. robs a bank actually... all in an effort to get inside the prison where his brother Linc is incarcerated, awaiting his execution for the murder of the vice president's brother. Trick is, Michael was the architect or engineer or something... so he knows the prison AND he has a coded version of the entire prison plans (and later it turns out his entire prison escape plan) tattooed onto his body. He's a smart boy.

A zillion things happen along the way and there ends up being a gang of escapees, including the disgusting T-bag (paedophile, rapist and child murderer.. he is soo creepy but you learn more about his life in season 2 and almost - I said almost, not quite - feel sorry for him)... um, actually I can't remember the rest. There's a guy with a family he's trying to get out to be with, a guy with a pregnant gf who almost marries someone else, a mob boss, a mental patient (he's really quite funny in season 2 altho I can't work out why his character even exists, sorta pointless), a young untrustworthy kid (who proves his worth in the end by not ratting his friends out when it mattered most, and then paying for it with his life)... and there could be more but I'm tired. Can't remember.

So.. end of season 1... they escape the prison. But no thats not the end of prison break... cos in season 2 they have to continue to elude the authorities etc etc.

But back to Linc and Michael. Turns out Linc is innocent (well we knew that from the start, doh), but it also turns out that we know he's innocent cos the vice president is actually alive and living in Vermont. Interesting twist lol.

Season 2 pretty moves between -

the quest for $5million (loot from some old guy's old crime... he tells Michael the location of the $ in prison)
the capturing and sometimes death of the escapees one by one
the exploration of each of the characters real lives - their pasts, who they really are, etc (which is really, really interesting I think)
the quest to prove Linc's innocence and thereby save not only Michael and Linc but also Linc's son CJ who has been stuck in the saga from the start and Michael's sorta gf (lets call her a love interest) and the doctor from the prison, Sarah
the development of Michael and Sarah's budding romance... which is kinda funny, kinda sad, and kinda poignant at times. It was really funny the way they first said I love you... and my quotes won't be exact btw...
Sarah: one of the prison rules was to not fall in love with an inmate
*gives Michael a knowing look*
*insert big sloppy kisses here*
Then later in the same episode -
Michael: I didn't say the right thing earlier... me too.
And thats it. Lol.

One of the most ironic things about pb is the sheer number of people who die in this show. I mean, boy-genius Michael contrives his way to get into prison, then to break out, all in an effort to save his brother's life. And lets not forget that some pretty hardcore crims escape alongide Michael and Linc, like the mob boss Brutzi (or something like that) and of course T-bag.

Here's just a few of the people who die in order to "save" Linc... (and I apologise in advance for the fact that this list is 1. not in order and 2. not going to include everyone lol)

the love of Linc's life, lawyer Veronica... along with her husband
Linc's other lawyer.. whatever his name was
CJ's mother and step-father... CJ being Linc's son
a prison guard, stabbed by T-bag
Paul the bad guy's partner, who he shot cos he was about to "dob" on the conspiracy
the old guy prisoner guy... you know... the one who hid the $5mil... him
a couple of the escapees who shall remain nameless :P
allll the people T-bag kills after escaping, including the guy he kills to steal his prosthetic hand (yep T-bag is one handed in season 2)
the fat balding prison guard who got fired in season 1... what was his name? He and Bellick start chasing the $5mil but he ends up dead on the way. Oops, spoiler.
Michael and Linc's father
Ohhhh and the vicepresident's bro, the guy who Linc was supposed to have murdered in the first place
Sarah's politician father, who redeems himself of his "bad guy" title before he dies
... and I dunno, heaps of police and bad guys and innocent bystanders... can't remember... apparently 44 people died during seasons 1 and 2. Or at least thats according to some fan blog I read earlier lol.

So... roll on season 3. I wonder how many more scrapes Scofield can save them all from, I wonder if the pb world will ever learn how evil the US govt is, I wonder if Linc will ever be exonerated, I wonder if they'll end up back in jail, I wonder if Sarah and Michael will get it on, I wonder if Linc will be reunited with his son, I wonder if Sucre will ever marry his gf, I wonder how many more people T-bag will kill before he gets caught, I wonder who will end up with the $5mil (or whats left of it), I wonder if anyone will remember to go see the old man's dying daughter in hospital and tell her her father loved her (it was his money after all! or did Michael do that in episode 1 of season 2 cos I missed that one?), I wonder if Michael will get any new tattooes, I wonder if something bad will eventually happen to the nasty Bellick (ex prison guard and definite bad guy), I wonder if Paul the bad guy turned good will actually stick to his newfound goodness or whether its just temporary, I wonder if Mahone (bad fbi guy in season 2) will ever find his humanity or heck just die and let the storyline move on (he's nasty)...

I still haven't watched the last two episodes of season 2 yet. I wonder if they'll answer any of the above questions lol. Here's hoping so. :D

hmm

2007-04-30T00:12:00.000+10:00

Ok so I'm waiting for another episode of Prison Break to load... damn internet... and I'm bored. So I thought I might blog surf for a bit.

And lo and behold what do I see on the blogger dashboard page but a list of must-see Blogs of Note. Thank you blogger for making my blog surfing easy. I am lazy after all.

Bucky @ http://buckymania.blogspot.com/

Um ok Bucky, Mr debut country CD, I don't think I've seen a haircut that bad since Billy Ray Cyrus all those Achey Breaky years ago. Seriously. Check this guy out.
OMG I just noticed his archives go right back to this time last year... and they're still peddling this guy as a debut artist? The next best thing? Uh huh, sure. The public aren't that stupid... are they?
And I still can't find a box or something that tells me if he's gay or straight.. or bi. I sure as heck can't tell. I mean, he looks gay, but who's ever heard of a brokeback country singer? Oh. Brokeback Mountain... cowboys... yeah maybe he IS one of the fairy squad. With a haircut like that I can't imagine any selfrespecting woman would give him a second glance anyway... unless she were a lesbian and it was dark and she'd had quite a few drinks and she accidentally mistook this poor soul for another lezbo. Possible, very possible...

Fred's Head @ http://fredsheadcompanion.blogspot.com/

Hmm. This site "contains tips, techniques, tutorials, in-depth articles, and resources for and by blind or visually impaired people." Sounds like a valuable blog to me... till one starts to wonder what a blind person is doing reading an online blog? Do they make brail blogs yet? I guess its just a matter of time, but still.

Tumaini Kids @ http://tumainikids.blogspot.com/

Wow. Brings a tear to the eye. This is great... not only from a socio-cultural perspective, but also from the point of the view of the children involved. Oh, btw, this is a blog belonging to all the children who live at the Tumaini Children's Home in Nyeri, Kenya. Check it out.
So, yeah, where was I?
*reads some more of the blog*
How great is this! The kids are not only communicating with the outside world, they're also expanding their typing and computer skills, etc. Imagine the sense of achievement they must feel seeing their own words up in cyberspace, and then imagine their elation when someone actually reads what they wrote and leaves them a comment. :)
These kids are mostly orphans, living in a very hard part of the world. Visit their site and drop them a hello.

Church of Baseball @ http://baseballchurch.blogspot.com/

Um, ok. The fact that I stumbled onto this site directly after the nice, poignant Tumaini Kids site only means that I'm gonna have to type what I think of this baseball blog in capital letters: PFFT.
Seriously, who on earth is this obsessed with a "game"? A game dammit. Men (and women) run around in silly looking costumes, make weird signs and gestures at each other, hit a ball (or attempt to hit a ball), run around if they can... need I go on?
Calling this blog the Church of Baseball is probably apt too, considering the blog writers seem to idiolise the baseball players as if they were gods. More blah blah.
Get a life, geez.

And on that note, I think I'll go back to reading a bit more of the Tumaini Kids website.... cos dammit my Prison Break episode is STILL only half loaded. Talk about grrr.

eek... how come kym's a purebred and I'm a stray? lol

2007-04-25T09:03:00.002+10:00

Joey, you cope with dog days by being a Streetwise Stray

When the going gets tough, you get even tougher! If life's not going according to plan, you're famous for knowing exactly what to do and when to do it. And more importantly, even when you're unsure of your next move, you keep your cool under pressure.

An awkward date? A parking ticket? A bad hair day? You make the best of it, and know there's more to sweat than the small stuff. But that's not all: Inside your "ruff" exterior lies a heart of gold and a personality to match. Way to stay ahead of the pack!

Damn Tickle, damn them!

How do I "Deal with Dog Days"?

Pfft. I lie in bed or on the couch all day. I ain't no stray lol! I have a home dammit! :P

23 whats? whos? hows? huh?

2007-04-25T08:10:00.000+10:00

I'm not exactly a Jim Carrey fan... I mean, he's ok. Quite funny in some movies but I wouldn't call myself a "fan". I am, however, a fan of the psych thriller, so Mr Carrey's new movie, The Number 23, looks pretty interesting to me... worth a google anyway.

So, yep, I googled the Number 23 and there's heaps of sites. Check out the preview on youtube. And the pic they're using to market the movie looks pretty scary, rather demonic...

Hmm, so I'm still interested but what does rotten tomatoes say? Do I really want to know lol?

Sigh.

According to the critics this movie is...
"An unengaging and colossally dumb occult thriller"
"So cheesy its almost transcendent"
"mind-numbingly silly"

SIGH.

Oh well. I'd still like to see it but I guess I'll wait til it comes out on DVD. :(

Just thinking... I bet it has a stupidly simple ending like... Jim's schizo and the murderer/23 addict is actually himself. Maybe he murdered the girl and wrote the book. Just like that Robert De Niro movie with the little girl, whatever that was called.

Meh, whatever. If I get bored I'll go back to Wikipedia and read the entire plot, twists, ending, everything lol. :P

why do we praise god for sunsets but not for excrement? hmm... makes one ponder...

2007-04-20T22:51:00.000+10:00

So I was thinking today... whether you believe in creation or evolution, this whole sick as a dog when pregnant thing is crap. I mean, we were created to suffer like this? pfft. Or this is somehow good evolution? pfft.

Your body is doing this amazing job of creating a whole little person, a whole new life, and yet you feel like a. a walking zombie or b. a drunk who's so far beyond being hungover that the word "hungover" doesn't even qualify. How is that fair?

Now, I do have a see saw theory which basically says that for every up there's a down, and that the height of the up always has its corresponding down. This means that if something is really really good, it has a really really bad side to it, while if something is only mediocre in your life, it really only has the slightest negative.

Consider this theory in terms of your friendships. If you have a so so friend and that friendship fails... you're not really that upset. The good = the bad. The up = the down. If you have a good friend and that friendship fails... well, same thing. How much you value that friendship will determine how badly you react to its failure.

And this theory can be applied to babies too... but NOT during the pregnancy bit. The wonderfully high "up" of the pregnancy/newborn baby cycle thingy is met with a thud by the not so wonderfully low "low" of the sleepless nights and vomit and baby poo and all that other eeky stuff. Having and raising kids is both the best and worst thing you'll ever do... it takes you to the very top and the very lowest point of the damn seesaw, and sometimes it travels fast between the two lol.

Which brings me back to the deathlikeness of early ish pregnancy. Why? It's not a karma thing, its not an evolution thing, its not a creation thing, its not a part of the up/down life cycle of the see saw... so WHY DAMMIT, WHY?

Am I talking in circles? Yes!
Am I making sense? Not much!
And why is that? Cos I feel like shit!

Sigh.

Which brings me to this little titbit of info courtesy of BabyCentre Australia -

If extreme mood swings leave you feeling like a drama queen this week, you're not alone. Hormonal fluctuations are treating your emotions like a yo-yo now. One minute you feel weepy and the next you're laughing harder than you've ever laughed before. Take comfort in knowing that those same volatile hormones are helping your baby grow. In fact, this week marks the first time your baby looks almost human. He has all the standard body parts in place now though they're not yet formed to perfection.

Oh great, so I feel like death and the little leech doesn't even look human yet?!?

And as for hormones.. um, yeah.. I may have cried a bit watching early morning tv today... but its hardly my fault. That ad for the Jennifer Aniston tv special and the Loud Shirt day ad (raising money for deaf kids)... oh, and the Maury Povich "my stepfather might be the father of my new baby" show... I mean, they were pretty sad you know...

Oh... looky what I found... 50 Reasons to be Glad You're Pregnant -> (psst, i'm deleting all the ones that don't apply to us Aussies)

1 Relishing the early weeks when only you and your partner know your special secret. (and your kids.. and everyone they've accidentally told like the time we were discussing the wedding with a parent from school who also happens to be a major gossip, and Laura pipes up with "when's the wedding again? is it before or after the next baby is born?" Um, yeah, thanks Laura)

2 Knowing you've got nine whole months to plan, dream and fantasise. (sigh, 9 months, not me baby. I'm hoping for 7)

3 Choosing maternity clothes - they've never been more practical or more sexy. (PFFT!)

4 Now you've got the perfect excuse to pamper yourself - spending hours in a scented bath, enjoying a massage or rubbing soothing lotions into your growing bump. (obviously whoever wrote this list has no other children, let alone a demanding little 10 month old called Noah)

5 Maternity rights are getting better all the time. (blah blah, I'm barely working atm anyway)

6 You can join an antenatal class and find a whole new bunch of friends (omg! me? I don't think so. Can you imagine anything worse than a bunch of women sitting around whinging about their pregnancies - yeah, I, uh, don't do that - or talking about how perfect their kids are? Sheesh.)

7 For once in your life you need to get heavier - pregnancy is Nature's way of making you feel good about putting on weight. (um... yeah...)

8 If this is your first baby, enjoy the next nine months sleeping late at weekends: you won't get many chances later on. (sigh)

9 At last you've got the bosom you've always wanted, which means you also have... (doesn't really affect me lol... I don't need more "bosom" and I certainly don't need bosom's that leak :P)

10 ...a great excuse to buy lots of pretty new bras. (we need an excuse for this lol? eek!)

13 Suddenly you'll find you're getting lots of extra attention from parents, aunts and uncles, not to mention your partner. (um, should I get WK to read this?)

14 You may find you develop a closer relationship with sisters, cousins or friends who are parents themselves. Congratulations, you've just won free admission to the parents' club! (fk that)

16 New talents! Whether it's knitting bootees or assembling a flat-pack cot, you'll suddenly find yourself trying out all sorts of new skills. (oh.. great...)

17 Suddenly you'll feel a new appreciation for your own mother and all she went through having you. (no, not really)

18 Decorating the nursery: one of the most exciting things you'll ever do. (who the crap wrote this list? huh? huh?!)

19 Feeling those first fluttering kicks and thinking, 'Is that what I think it is? Or is it just wind?' (ok ok, yeah, the baby moving is pretty cool... for a while anyway. Til the little bugger starts kicking you up under your ribs.)

20 Feeling OK for sending your partner out for chicken tikka masala followed by double-choc chip ice cream. (hmm, unfortunately for me... hmm.. hold on, where was i? Now I want icecream dammit, can't concentrate)

21 Your parents digging out your old cot or pram, which they've kept safely all this time 'just in case'. (um, no)

22 Going for healthy walks with your partner and getting fresh air in your lungs because it's good for you and good for your baby. (ok ok, I give this one a tick too)

23 Enjoying the extra-vivid dreams you get in late pregnancy - and laughing about them with your friends. (so far all these "extra-vivid dreams" have been a pain in the ass. I need my sleep dammit!)

24 Feeling a little pair of heels prodding under your diaphragm and knowing you'll soon be meeting the little person they belong to! (I think I've already mentioned this already.. and not in a positive way)

25 Choosing baby clothes - or just phoning round for all the catalogues, leafing through them and planning what you're going to buy. (oooh yes, I"m a shopper! :D)

26 Writing a pregnancy diary for your baby to read in the future. (online diary maybe? I could never show the baby tho cos I swear way too much :P)

27 Getting someone to take photos of you smiling over your enormous bump so that, one day, you can look back and be amazed you were ever that size. (lol. If you see how stretched your skin is on your belly after having 3 or 4 kids... you won't need the photo as proof :S)

29 Lying in bed with your partner's arms around you and your bump, knowing that love has created a new life. (uh huh)

Ok, I give up. Noah just woke up and is screaming the house down. 29'll do.

no backin out now

2007-04-17T11:45:00.000+10:00

Wedding's all booked... well almost all booked... partially... some of... meh.

Point is - wedding is set for 16th June at one of our fav beaches, yay. Invitations almost ready to go out, hopefully tomorrow. I wonder if I should make WK mail them... see if he can recreate that episode from Scrubs where Turk tries to post his wedding invites and blah blah. It was funny, but nice. Nice? Meh, I'm all hormonal today.

WK doesn't know it yet but I'm taking him to the Thai restaurant tonight that my bud Loo and I chose for the wedding dinner. :D LOVE the curry there! I'm salivating just thinking about it. *drools all over the keyboard*

Um, what else is there?

Oh yeah.. Noah's been sick. Had croup. Scared the shite out of us with his doglike coughing and inability to breathe properly during the night. But he's getting better.

And the new bebe... the family consensus seems to be that it needs to be a girl.
Zac doesn't want another brother: "I've already got Noah and he's my best friend".
Laura is adamant she doesn't want three brothers: "Another brother? OMG. No, I need a sister."
WK: "Of course its a little girl"

So I guess even if its a boy we'll just have to dress it up in pink dresses and pretend...

apparently this mememe is titled "an interview with myself" or something like that.. meh

2007-04-11T20:38:00.000+10:00

1. Name one thing you could not live without.
Um, I should say something important like the Internet (lol), but I think I need to look more into my own heart and soul. Ahhh. The answer to this question is simple. World of Warcraft.

2. Name something you'd love to never see again.
Childbirth. I saw it on a doco once. Like, saw the head come out and everything. It was so gross my womanly bits ached for days just remembering. I still ache everytime I think about it. Ouch.

3. What color is your bathroom rug?
Meh, whatever.

4. Did you ever wear braces?
Gosh no.

5. Extrovert or introverted?
A bit of both. The extroversion is there to mask the introversion I think. But, meh. Too much self analysis makes one insane, been there done that lol. :P

6. What do you make of all this Anna Nicole Smith saga?
Who?

7. What's the population of the city you live in?
I dunno, lots ish.

8. Have you told a lie today?
Not yet

9. Name something you're good at doing.
Shopping. I can shop. You name it, I can get it. Or if I can't, I'll spend all day looking and then return first thing the next morning for a second look. No joke. :D

10. Now, something you do badly?
Life? Nah, I'm getting better at my life choices lol. I don't think I do anything badly, cept maybe contraception.

11. Who do you share your secrets with?
*points to Kym*
I don't keep secrets, I'm pretty open. Sometimes I keep things to myself while I dwell over them for a few days before discussing them with the people who matter, but thats not the same thing as keeping a secret lol. It's like a semi-secret let me think about it for a bit type of thing.

12. Who's your best friend?
Can I call my lvl 70 gnome warlock Lileek my bf? She's the only one who understands me all the time lol. Plus if I need her to do something, she does it. Who could ask for more? Oh... and yeah, WK in real life... of course.

13. Do you lie about your age?
I find age irrelevant. (note: thats what ppl say after they turn 30)
Sigh. I'm turning 30 next year... lol. True. :P

14. Confrontation or avoidance?
A bit of both. I hope I use the right tactic for the right situation. Sometimes I avoid til I'm ready to confront I guess. Meh.. self analysis again! Stop it! Damn meme!

15. What's the last film you watched?
Um... we had a movie wkend recently. Watched Casino Royale, Children of Men, Borat, Little Miss Sunshine, blah blah.

16. What about books?
Eek I don't have time anymore. I think the last book I read was the WoW atlas lol, when I was looking something up. :D

17. Do you enjoy eating sushi?
Well, yep. Sometimes, its not my fav food or anything lol. Too healthy. :P

18. Name a place you long to visit.
Geez, um. Big list that basically includes everywhere and anywhere.

19. Now tell me somewhere you would refuse to go?
Anywhere that involved a family reunion or any such thing. Eek.

20. Do you believe in life after death?
I hope so.

21. Do you talk to God?
Occasionally.

22. Any regrets?
I hate to admit it.. cos I think regrets are a waste of space, but.. yeah. Just a couple.

23. If you could be anyone else in the world for just one day, who would you pick?
The Queen. Just to see if she actually does wipe her own butt.

24. Who would you never want to be?
My ex-husband's girlfriend.. for obvious reasons lol.

25. Why wouldn't you want to be that person?
Cos.. well...

26. Tell me something that makes you uncomfortable.
Something or someone lol? Something.. um.. oooh I know, bridal shops. Someone... bridal shop attendants. Eek!

27. Now, something you are completely comfortable doing?
Playing Wow for such a long time period that I actually end up drooling on the keyboard out of sheer exhaustion. I'm completely comfortable with my own drool.

28. Do you have a favorite childhood memory?
Nah. Do I? Can't remember.

29. Worst one?
Moving right along.

30. Think of a song that describes how you feel at this point in your life.
Is there a song that says... I'm sick of stupid emo songs. They're just depressing.

31. What was the last social function you attended?
Um... eek... a birthday dinner I think. Wow that was ages ago. Sigh. I've become all anti-social. :(

32. Is your life what you thought it would be at this point?
Yno.

33. You can change one thing about your life right now.
Money. I wish I had heaps of spare monies.

34. Is there anyone who knows everything about you? All of your secrets?
Nope. I think that's a fallacy. People allow others into their lives to a point... and that point depends on the level of intimacy being shared. And no I don't mean sex when I say intimacy lol. You can be intimate with your thoughts and feelings, blah blah... meh, forget it. Stupid question. I should have just said no comment lol.

35. Is there anyone that you trust completely?
Trust... I guess no. Maybe my Nan, and yeah probably Kym I guess. But truth is people tend to be egocentric. They put their own needs first and foremost, its human nature. Do I trust WK? Yes I do. Do I trust him completely in the true sense of the word completely? I dunno - show me a male who isn't self obsessed and I'll show you a woman who's had a sex change op. :P

36. How did you find your way to your profession?
Um. I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that I may appear to be unemployed. Lol.

37. Do you believe in life long monogamy?
Yes.

38. What's your favorite food?
Hard to pick... curry, yes. Mexican, yes. Thai... yep that too. Oh and then there's risotto and gnocchi and all that good Italian stuff. Sigh. Getting hungry now.

39. Favorite alcoholic beverage?
Vodka I guess. I'm partial to a Pure Blonde beer too. And who could pass up a few cocktails... ooh and cs cowboys of course!

40. If you could talk to anyone in the world, living or dead, who would it be?
Um, the living person?

41. What would you say to that person?
Um.. hello?

42. What was the first concert you went to?
Pseudo Echo and the Divinyls when I was 13. I was totally in awe of the stage, the performers, the crowd... sigh.

43. The last?
Um.. the very last? Not sure. Either Simple Plan/Green Day or Little Birdie/Eskimo Joe.

44. Are you a gadget guru?
No. But one of my WoW characters is lol. :D

45. What is the ring tone on your cell phone?
Hahahaha. My ring tone is the opening verse of "Fuck her Gently" by Tenacious D. You gotta rush to answer it before the first F word is sung lol.

46. Tell me 3 things you are afraid of.
Deep ocean water, the dark and... something bad happening to a member of my family.

47. Give me the names of your 3 favorite television programs.
Prison Break, Curb your enthusiasm, Kenny vs Spenny, Scrubs... can I have four?

48. What do you think is worse: having your heart broken by the one you love or breaking the heart of the one you love?
The former. I've never experienced the latter so I dont know.

49. Name a behavior of other people that you don't understand.
Violence/abuse/cruelty... its all the same thing really.

50. What is something about you that you think others would not understand.
My WoW addiction lol. Altho.. all the WoW players understand it perfectly. *grins* Its just you non-wowers who don't get it. :P

talk about an eek moment

2007-04-11T19:55:00.000+10:00

Our wedding's like 8 weeks away, which isn't long. So my bud Looloo and I spent the last two days doing wedding crap.

Yesterday - fun, filling. We went to all the restaurants on the "maybe" list and ate food. OMG. I'm salivating again just thinking about. Ended up deciding on this quaint little thai place that overlooks the beach. The curry was devine and they cater for all types of fussy eaters... yay! OH and when we were full to the point of exhaustion, we tried to walk off the calories by going for a walk on the boardwalk at the beach. I showed Looloo the place where we want to do our vows etc, so that was cool too. I think she liked it lol.

Today - dress hunt. A dress for me and a dress for my 11 yr daughter La. Frickin frickin tiring. I found a elegant green dress that I really really like.. but its like, green. Then I found a really funky black and white dress.. but i'd have to alter the top cos my boobs hang out a tad too much. And apparently thats not kosher at a weding. Oh and let's not forget the blue dress, i liked that one heaps too. The skirt part was really cool and it fitted my growing belly region really well. But, of course, I couldn't decide. The green, the black and white, the blue... there was no "white" dress anywhere. I mean, I just wanted a simple ish white ish semi-formal fun type of dress. Pfft. No one makes those.

So... Looloo suggests (albeit with a look of fear on her face cos, well, I hate weddings and all the pompous traditions that go with them) that we check the bridal shop where she bought her deb dress from a few years back. I figure wtf, might as well.

AND OMG... they have baby tuxedos! I must have one for Noah! Sooo cute! And we found a tux for my 8yr old son too so he's stoked. He loves weddings (don't know where he gets that from!). And my daughter tried on every single dress her size in the shop. :P Seriously. She ended up deciding on this really simple embroidered dress that is just gorgeous. So yeah, the kids are organised. No probs. I don't mind if they're all formally dressed etc, its just me. I mean, I don't want to look like a stupid meringe or anything... do I?

Well, see, thats the thing. I tried on like 30 dresses, partly cos it was semi-fun and partly cos I couldn't decide on which style would best fit my fetally-growing tum tum... but mostly cos the two women in the shop just kept passing me stuff and saying "try this... oooh, try this one".

And... its hard for me to admit... but I liked a dress. An actual proper white wedding dress. It even has tule underneath the skirt. Like... tule. A wedding dress. A real one. And I liked it. OMG.

So now I'm in a quandry. Do I stick to our agreed "relaxed non formal" wedding or do I go ahead and buy the only dress I've seen so far which I actually like? Eek. I'd say I can't imagine me in a formal pompous wedding dress but I can lol, cos I did it today and I still have pics on my phone. LOL

I soo can't end this post with a "meh, whatever". This is more of an eek type of thing...

Eek.

ZOMG

2007-04-10T23:34:00.000+10:00

It's Pacman!

I think I may just fall in love with widgetbox.com

Sigh

Ok ok, I guess I'll get over it

2007-04-10T22:48:00.000+10:00

Sigh. Msn deleted my space. Apparently it had images of "nudity". Pfft.

They sent me a slack assed email saying "you have 48 hrs to remove the offending images"... that was like, 5 days ago lol. Bugger.

*sigh*

Meh, whatever

wow

cheer up emo kid

pennis penos sex bum

go go gadget arm... *changes tv channel*

A change of pace... a cutesy happy blog... where the fk did all these kids come from? I swear I only had one yesterday... sigh.

a heap of shit cos i'm bored and surfing the net looking at crap

heck, give the girl a beer and a shot and set the clock to 2am... and this is the blog you get

LOL... not a shock...

WTB a baby daughter who doesn't fart so bad that I can't breathe when she's on my lap

so its official, I suck at life

stone...

Sigh, no self control...

P.S. Please don't die. I have enough insanity issues as it is.

meh to the new year

So this is Christmas, and what have you done, another year over, and a new one just begun

10 Alana-specific baby facts

Forget Santa, forget over-indulgent food, forget exy gifts... the thing I could never survive christmas without is panadol

Joey, you'll survive Christmas by Rolling in Commercialism

... its me, and I can't get myself to go away... unfortunately lol

meh

I know, I know

you know you're gonna have a bad day when

Homer: I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

poetry... pfft

funny cos its sooo true...

sigh... the good, the bad and the ugly... what a stupid phrase anyway lol

current top 10 eeky things in the life of me

eek

pearls of wisdom

"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry

oh yay, woot, go me, another fucking year older *rolls eyes*

am I the only one who's noticed lifes not like it is in the movies?

life huh

a... mik

rolling down the sandhills... running up the sandhills... rolling down the sandhills... my god will they just make up their minds!

quotes of the day...

*yawns*

ffs

i think i'm too tired to blog

*hyperventilates* I saw the R rating, and for a sec I thought "oh fk they're gonna delete me like msn did to my first blog"... but, phew...

*roars*

I have no idea where Disso got this from, but...

so self aware, so full of shit

if i was a dog chasing cars all day i think i'd be a mutt... anything but a poodle :p

cutesy ->

oops... lovey crap

its a love/hate thing

sigh

ramble ramble ramble... don't think, don't edit... just ramble

fyi - the 4 most dangerous questions a woman can ask a man...

someecards.com for the perfect message

stolen from james

note to self: Why, may I ask, are some Americans so damn self-obsessed? Grrr, get with the program people!

meh

Japanese toilet training... eek

baby blob update

serious for a blog-sec

lesson of the day: never lie to your mother

Everything I've learned in life, I learnt from...

yo...

omg how many more years of the wiggles have I got left? arrrghhh, someone turn it off!

LOL... 100 impressions in 5 mins

*yawns on cue*

eek

I dunno... I think at this point I should change my personal motto to "sanity is overrated" and just go with the flow

lol

why is it so?

WoW... how good is pb?

hmm

eek... how come kym's a purebred and I'm a stray? lol

23 whats? whos? hows? huh?

why do we praise god for sunsets but not for excrement? hmm... makes one ponder...

no backin out now

apparently this mememe is titled "an interview with myself" or something like that.. meh

talk about an eek moment

ZOMG

Ok ok, I guess I'll get over it

go go gadget arm... changes tv channel

"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over
50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry

oh yay, woot, go me, another fucking year older rolls eyes

yawns

hyperventilates I saw the R rating, and for a sec I thought "oh fk they're gonna delete me like msn did to my first blog"... but, phew...

roars

yawns on cue