omg how many more years of the wiggles have I got left? arrrghhh, someone turn it off!

Man, I'm so pathetic I cried reading reviews for Pirates 3 this morning. Lol. Seriously.

Plot at wit's end

Kerry Bashford

Although one wouldn't expect it to set sail into the sunset anytime soon, "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End", this third instalment of this spectacularly successful series, seems intent on bringing the action to a close. There is a sense of world ending, as the title suggests, and this is certainly as apocalyptic as an epic gets. But try and make sense of the story and "At World's End" will have you at your wit's end.

While the first "Pirates" concentrated on character and the second accentuated action, the third episode settles for splendour and spectacle. Gore Verbinski takes us on a breathtaking journey with battles more brilliantly rendered and adventure more daring than the first two films. But with all the colour and movement and sound and fury at their disposal, it doesn't make up for a story that seems lost at sea.

What passes for a plot in "At World's End" is a confusing mash of mythologies and seafaring legends as the film struggles towards a coherent climax. In keeping with this being perhaps the darkest of the series, the conclusion is also more melancholy than might have been expected. In fact some might find the whole thing too long and languorous with even the exhilarating set pieces not enough to stop a certain sinking feeling.

Certainly there is no issue with the acting. Having created one of the truly iconic performances of his generation, Johnny Depp does not disappoint. He so owns the character Sparrow, he gets to play it several times over in a number of fantasy sequences. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom are given a bit more to work with too this time around but seem lightweight compared to the scene-stealing swashbucklers at their side.

Thankfully this time Geoffrey Rush steps more into the spotlight and his lock on the character is as impeccable as his timing. Bill Nighy is more touching than terrifying under all that tentacled prosthetics and Chow Yun-Fat is a welcome addition although he is so duplicitous it's hard to make out his motivation - but then everyone seems to be charting their own course here.

In the end the world of the pirates is so treacherous not even the viewer can chart a course safely through its waters. Each character seems on a different quest but in the end, amidst the ear-splitting chaos, you may cease to care.

And from, I dunno, someone else... (I include this part of the review cos I think the best parts of Pirates 2 were the "jungle and beach antics". Pity. Cos it was darn funny.)

While the frivolous insanity of "Dead Man's Chest" is lacking in this new tale, there are enough spectacular action sequences, tongue-in-cheek humour and eye-popping special effects to keep fans of the series entertained... The action sequences are mostly confined to sword fights and cannon bombs between rival ships; audiences who delighted in the jungle and beach antics of "Dead Man's Chest" might be disappointed. At 168 minutes, "At World's End" can get tedious.

The official website - Everything Pirates. I'm really really hoping to go see it tomorrow night. This baby blob is making me so damn ill so damn often its hard to make any plans at all. Grrr.

In other news, I've started to read the news... shocked? Online of course. Not every morning cos that would be, like, a routine. Just some mornings. Like today! lol.

So... *drum roll*... news stories of the day (according to me of course!) -

• Gay bar bans heteros... wow, legal anti discrimination. Interesting turn of events.
• HA... can love make you fat? Are you too content in your relationship - are you turning into a fatty? Eek. Do the test and find out if this is you... or you could always just look in the mirror lol. Sigh... it doesn't mention pregnancy or illness... or is that just an excuse? Damn.