P.S. Please don't die. I have enough insanity issues as it is.

So I had a convo the other day about beautiful song melodies, and it occurred to me that most of the truly beautiful songs are freakin sad ones. Whats with that. Like, seriously... I could name a heap... um, if it wasn't 2am and I wasn't tired.

So I just glanced through my song list to prove my point, as one is apt to do when trying to make a pointless point in a blog. And blah blah I came across the most haunting song ever... My Immortal by Evanescence.

Remember it? Omg that girl can sing. So much emotion, so much soul in her voice. Reminds me of James Blunt. *insert the I saw J.B. on Oprah one day and he made me cry story here*

Anyhoo, My Immortal makes me cry every frickin time I hear it. No matter where I am - car, shopping, sitting at the computer lol, whatever - I hear that song and the tears form. I dare anyone who has lost a loved one or, heck, anyone who has a human bone in their body, to listen to the lyrics and remain dry-eyed. Her voice, the music, the lyrics... its all so hauntingly sad.

I've lost friends and family members. It's devastating. But I can't imagine the sheer loss of life and self that comes with the death of your partner/spouse/lover/whatever. The whole "I will never get to tell you blah blah or do blah blah every again" thing is just... omg... worst nightmare stuff. The finality, the foreverness... I don't know how people do it.

A friend of mine lost her husband last year and every time she talks about it, cries, whatever... I never know what to say cos truth is, I can only begin to imagine just how bad that would be. The love of your life, gone, just like that. *shakes head*.

Heck, losing a lover is bad enough without the death bit added in. Fuck that. At least if your other half ditches you, you can still text them nasty messages or stalk them or bash their car with a tyre iron (I swear it wasn't me lol) or even just cry and hold out for them to change their mind... but none of that really works when its a death issue. Sigh.

My Immortal lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

Hmm. Wow. I just realised I'm not being my normal heartless self. Eek. I blame the late hour, its not my fault. *takes a deep breath*

Order restored. Phew.

Ohhhh. In other news my daughter is scaring me. She's 12 and she's becoming more and more like me every day. And not just in the moody hormonal way, or the scary psychotic way, or the freak out when she gets frustrated way, or the I'm the Centre of the Universe so Everyone Should Bow Down to Me kind of way... oh, wait, I probably shouldn't admit to that. *deletes*

Anyhoo, I noticed today she's starting to use some of the words/phrases that I overuse. It's scary. Sure it starts with little phrases like "what's with that" or "someone ditched someone", but what if she moves on to the bad stuff. Eek. I couldn't count the number of times today that I said, "wait, stop, what did you just say?", only to have her look at me stupidly while she tried to work out what the big deal was.

Truth is I have this terrible habit of saying the most stupid swear words whenever I get a fright etc. Most people just jump and say something like "shit" but I come out with a trail of unrelated swear words. It's a no control, turrets type of thing. "Shit piss fuck" or "fuck flip" or "jesus fucking fuck"... all recent outbursts.

Sigh. I'm a bad parent, but its not my fault I swear. I was born this way.

In other, other news, I have an itch. Argh.