I was thinking the other day that the whole friend and family thing is a myth. It's all temporary cos people change over time. Either your friend changes in some way - either their lifestyle changes or they move or get married or have kids or get depressed or, heck, get happy lol - or you do. The two things that top the list of the friendship-breakers are 1. getting divorced (holy crap yes... friends will drop like flies when it comes to a relationship breakdown) and 2. having a baby. People are soooo self-centred, its true, but only hard core dedicated friends will put up with nappy changes and extended wait times (while you're doing baby stuff) and all the limits on where you can go and what you can do. Movies, yes. Clubbing... yno. For some reason the bouncers won't let you take a newbie baby with you to the bar. Whats with that.
All of which goes to make net buddies so much easier. Friends you make on the net aren't limited by one's babydom... not really anyway. You just go afk a bit lol. And net friendships aren't affected by things like divorce or marriage or new jobs. And yet... they may feel real but they're not *real*. Sorry Kus... you're not real lol. :P
You know... sometimes I love the net bud thing and sometimes I frickin hate it. This week I hate it lol.
Hmmm. Rambling about nothing again? Where was I? Oh yeah.. new years.
New Years is pfft and meh and all those other meaningless phrases. And yet I still want to make some new years resolutions. So here goes...
- Get rich. Um... lotto or something. Woot!
- Move. We so don't fit in this house and there's really nothing keeping us on the sunny coast cept for my kids. Gotta sort out the custody arrangements with my ex and then move I think.
- Get my body back. Atm I'm so depressed and stressed I don't give a toss if I'm a size 8 or 10 or a size freakin 20. I don't care. I just had two pregnancies in a row, both of which entailed complete bed rest and I'm still in the high risk stroke zone so I barely give a flying fk. But while I'm all like "meh its only 5kgs" everyone else is all "ewwww". I'd like to tell em all to gtfo but I guess instead I'll just do the whole boring diet/exercise thing. Frickin shallow people.
- Work or study. Something. Need to do something. I realise I have no babyfree time but heck... I'm quite literally losing myself in washing and cleaning and nappy changing.
- Get on top of my emotions. I don't know if its the stress or the depression or the health crap, or maybe all of them combined, but I'm sick of being emotional. I despise weakness and vulnerability lol. And yet here I am cycling from depression to anger with small burts of ok-ness in between. Too many thoughts, too many feelings, its just too much most of the time. I must be terrible to live with lol. Pity my family.
- Maybe play WoW less... maybe. Thats a hard call. It's my escapism lol. At least in WoW I'm leet. :D
- Sort out my marriage problems. A toughie. I'm lost as to what the right thing to do is. On the one hand I don't want to be in stress-filled relationship where I feel like crap most of the time, but on the other hand... I like living by myself, all that personal space... but I'm not eager to be a single parent again, certainly not with the two babies. Besides, I can still remember the utter loneliness I felt last time... no thanks.
I think my main new years resolution should be to simply find my "self" again lol. Such a cliche but true. I want the old easy going, flexible, fun, risk-taking, happy, psycho jo back. She's gotta be around here somewhere lol. Maybe I should check behind the tv where all the other missing things tend to go.
