meh

Ok so I've been to sunny - very sunny - central queensland and back. Did I mention the "very sunny" bit? Heck it was hot and dry. No earthquakes tho.

Sooo many funny things happened on the way there, the way back, while I was there... *points to Craigsy*... but as per usual I can't quite remember all those great blog ideas now I'm sitting in front of the pc. Sigh.

What I can remember -

• Cows everywhere, namely the one poor sod of cow who had its head stuck out of the side of a cattle truck. As if it were a dog with his head stuck out of the window of a moving car lol. And not on the safe side of the road mind you, but the scary "omg another truck could come past and whack, instant bbq meat" side of the truck. Poor cow. I wanted to keep him.
• Dog hair.. yep, dog hair. Disso has these two beautiful big long haired dogs... and omg you've never seen so much dog hair in your life ever. Still... I'd like a dog lol. Just one a bit smaller and with a lot less hair. A lot less, lol.
  
• The hilariously funny and hilariously gay male flight attendant on the way home. Gosh he was funny... kept telling jokes and little stories and stuff. And then - long story - when we were stuck on the landed plane for an hour just 10metres from the damn terminal... he offered to do a cabaret style dance routine to entertain everyone. Lol. I wish he had... I was gonna video it on my phone lol. Anyhoo, it was one of those "you had to be there type of things" I guess.
• The Rocky hospital has a giant - huge, simple lettering, gigantic - sign that says Rockhampton Hospital at the top of the main building. What the? I'm still trying to work out whether the sign is designed to remind the locals where they are (cos lets face it - inbreeding) or to make sure the helicopters land at the right place (well, the pilots are probably locals too lol). And btw... Rocky's a small ish town and there's only one hospital. Its not like you could get confused. Heck, even the out-in-the-sticks hospital where Disso lives only has a little "normal" hospital sign. It seems as if the miners are smarter than the Rocky locals - and if you've ever met a coal miner, thats a truly amazing feat.
• It was sooo hot and dry one day that as we drove Craigsy around, we kept noticing hoses everywhere. Any stream of water was like some type of mirage'y thing. From kids playing with a hose in their front yard to people watering their driveways and curbs (yep, it seems these country people actually want their cement to grow, I guess they hate mowing)... it was one of those "can't look away" type of things. Argh, give us a hose! In fact, give us YOUR hose now!
  
• I slept sooo much. Like, 12 hours a day. I think I slept more in 3 days than I do in 2 weeks, seriously. And I had all these weird assed twisted dreams, many of which were set in the nearby mining town where I spent a portion of my childhood. I'd wake up and think, wow I should go visit... but, meh, cbf. The dreams were enough lol.
  
• I read a book, two books in fact, but this one book in particular was really good - Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz. I highly recommend it lol. I did cry a few times reading it, but mostly it was just damn well funny. On the book jacket it actually says "horror", but... no way lol. The ending was silly and way too cliche, but thats ok. I never remember the endings of movies/books/etc anyway lol. Give me a month and I'll be like, how did that book end again?
• It "rained" one afternoon, and all the townspeople were talking about the "rain". And I use quotations because this "rain" included about 15mins of wind, 1 thunder clap, no lightning, 3 clouds and about, hmm, 2minutes of spitting rain. Wow. Rain... lol. Shivers, when it rains at home it pours frickin cats and dogs for days on end. That reminds me, I so need to buy a dryer before this next baby arrives by stork... that is what happens, isn't it? Be damned if I'm doing the birth thing again.

*yawns* tired.

I took way too long to write this blog lol. Theres heaps of other stuff but, meh.

I know, I know

Yeah, I've been blog ignorant of late. But its not my fault. I blame, well, everyone and everything except me.

To recap -

• I am still wow addicted. I now have a 70 lock, 70 mage and a 40 priest. Oh, and I just made another character lol, a little lvl 5 rogue. For when I get bored.
  
• Speaking of World of Warcraft, our guild leader Strag made a not so exciting wow video (for a first attempt at a vid it's pretty good lol) and uploaded it to youtube - The Boxer-World of Warcraft
  I mention it here cos my succubus is in it lol. She's one of the whores in old town... so I'm semi famous. My warlock Lileek is even mentioned in the credits, woot!
  
• We're over the scary hump of 28 weeks with this pregnancy... oh and we had an ultrasound yesterday in which it appeared that blob either has 1. a vulva or 2. a really small scrotum and even smaller penis. Either or. It wasn't clear enough to be decisive lol. According to WK the baby has girly lips like Angelina Jolie, so maybe it is a girl. Fingers crossed. Either that or I had a secret affair with Angelina. Meh, anythings possible.
  
• Baby Noah is not really a baby anymore. He's walking and even attempting to run... altho the toddler thing... he falls if he tries to run lol. He says a host of words like mum and dad and laura and toot toot and blll for ball. Oh and Dadada in a singsong voice for Dorothy the dinosaur lol.
  
• WK hasn't divorced me... yet. I'm sure its coming one day lol. I don't think I'd like to live with me - living with my daughter (who's way too much like me) is bad enough. :P
  
• I'm heading up to visit Disso in good ol' sunny central qld soon ish. A holiday in the sticks. Oh well, its not like I can afford to go to Disneyland lol. I mean, Blackwater does have some sort of theme park doesn't it? No? A water park? No? A beach? No? A cool shopping centre? No? A cinema? No? Sigh. Damn, and I've already booked the flights.
  
• Noah still loves Thomas the Tank Engine and the Wiggles... and I'm sick sick SICK of both of them. The Thomas dvds are full of phrases like "if I promise to go slow and take care can I be Edward's back engine?" and "blow harder Percy" and "you wouldn't be laughing if you were stuck in the middle"... point is I can't keep a straight face lol. Yeah yeah, dirty mind and all that. But are the English REALLY that naive they don't notice the double meanings in the Thomas dialogue lol?
  

Speaking of naive and disneyland... I stumbled onto this pic on the Moth's blog. All I can say is "umm". I always knew there was something a little strange about Donald Duck lol.

you know you're gonna have a bad day when

... you find yourself crying at 8am while listening to a song ironically and yet appropriately titled Big Girls Don't Cry.

What the?

I guess I'm not a big girl then... which is sort of a good thing... isn't it?

Stupid emotions.

Homer: I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

I can't stop stumbling... constantly. Stumble stumble stumble.

I think I need help.

I've been sitting here in the one spot stumbling over and over again for about 5 hours.

Help?

Sigh.

http://www.stumbleupon.com

From jokes to silly pictures to satire websites to addictive little online games... I just can't seem to stop.

Bored... boredom... sigh. Should try sleep. Thats what most normal people do isn't it? Doesn't really fit me today lol.

I should have stayed asleep this morning. Such a nice dream... then... reality... argh.

poetry... pfft

Whats with the poetry obsession? I mean, sure art is good and personal expression of crap is good... take out the "of crap"... but, really, I'd rather listen to music or read a funny blog lol.

So here's my useful contribution to the online poetry fest ->

The Beer Prayer

Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed by thy drink.

Thy will be drunk,
(It will be drunk!)
At home and in the tavern.

Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
For ever and ever,
Barmen.

(and yes I stole it... I cbf writing stupid poetry crap)

funny cos its sooo true...

I especially love the horse penis and number of people you allow to use your pc variables. Cos c'mon, show me a person who's surfed porn on the net and hasn't seen an animal penis of some sort and I'll show you a person who lies! Lies dammit!

sigh... the good, the bad and the ugly... what a stupid phrase anyway lol

Meh, I dunno. Stressful week and I feel all drained emotionally, physically, psychologically... every 'ally' there is lol.

From kids being sick to me being sick to, well, everything. I'd like to have just 24 hours to sleep and eat and breath and shower and just be a normal person instead of a constantly demanded-upon parent, wife, slave... why do women put up with this shit lol. *insert more woest me crap here*

I think I'm probably too anal, too perfectionist-ic if such a word exists. I feel cluttered on the inside when theres clutter on the outside, if that makes sense.

Rewind 5 years.... I used to have this nice little fake-idyllic world, with two kids who hadn't been influenced by the wider world too much yet and actually did things like make their beds and help each other (instead of bickering!), living in my own house with a moderate income, heading albeit slowly towards a financially secure future, with a lazy-assed husband who refused to do anything except whatever made him feel good (cos why would I do something I didn't want to do? um.. to help your family maybe?), with a huge social life and a bunch of friends (most of whom weren't close enough to know the truth about my marriage or my state of my mind), with the support of extended family (not all of whom chose to stay in my circle after I left my ex), with a job that drove me nuts some days but which I intrinsically enjoyed (and now cannot stand the thought of going back to)... so yeah, the good and the bad I guess.

Now... the kids have grown up and I only have them alternative weeks, so I'm not the main caregiver or influencer anymore. They bicker - most of which is brought on by my pre-teen daughter's me-me-me attitude lol (omg I'm soooo not looking forward to the teen years!). My son has become as lazy as his father... literally. Drives me nuts. Then there's the new baby who's 14mths now. Just starting to walk, cute... but very very demanding. He throws temper tantrums already! He reminds me of those strong willed dogs who even as puppies need a darn choker chain to teach them who's boss!! Then there's the new-new baby who hasn't been born yet... and all the stress that my sick pregnancy brings. Then there's the fact that we have no money and our unit is WAY too small for 4 people let alone 5. I only have 10 weeks ish to go and I haven't started preparing any baby stuff yet cos we simply have nowhere left to put his/her clothes, bed, "stuff".

We're renting so we're at the mercy of real estate agents, which sux. Our financial situation is going from worse to worse as we spend the savings to simply pay bills. *insert the word fuck and then the words I need a job not another baby here*

Oh and I forgot WK, the new husband... who's general laziness, computer obsession and inability to communicate in a positive way, compared to my anal-ness, my current illness and lack of energy and my inability to tolerate any from of verbal abuse (comes from having an abusive childhood) seems to be leading to arguments all too often. After already having one failed marriage I get extremely stressed at the thought that this might not work either. And I feel as if its all on my shoulders, my responsibility. I got so despondent this week that during an argument I asked if he thought he should move out for a little while so he could sort out what he wanted from life... if he wanted to be with us, with me, or not, rather than keep on fighting. And he just shrugged and said "whatever". I know in his family its considered ok to swear at people and put them down, to be overly critical, to be selfish and, in my opinion, "nasty" to family members, but I won't put up with that. And I know that I'm too over-bearing and too "cold and clinical" when it comes to solving marital problems (shit my ex used to yell at me to yell at him, instead of being all "miss psychology"). Not that any of this takes away from all those really good, really positive, really bonding moments we share. I could list all of those too I guess but I'm barely in the mood. But, yeah... this weird mixture of happiness and stress in our marriage and my constant fear that its not going to work out... its hard.

Then theres the friend issue... apart from my bud Laura whom I probably do hang with too much (ok ok I can admit it lol), my local friends don't really speak to me anymore. Its funny how people react to a relationship breakup, and its surprising just how many people didn't accept my relationship with WK simply because he's younger than me or because he's christian. Funny in a weird, I don't get it type of way. The rest of my REAL friends all live way too far away and I don't get to speak to them or hang with them as much as I would like to. More blah blah.

I think I'm just feeling really drained and down this week about everything. Part of me wishes I could just curl up in bed and let the world carry on around me lol. I guess thats the old depression hanging on that I've never really gotten out of my system.

Life is mostly good, mostly happy. I love WK and all of my kids - despite their demanding-ness, bickering and selfishness. And yet the depression lives on. Whats with that. Maybe its just that I expect perfection, maybe thats the problem. I expect the kids to do the right thing (perhaps not all the time, but most of the time would be good!), I expect Noah to do normal things for his age (like sleep dammit!), I expect my partner to not just love me but respect and support me as well (but that doesn't seem to be how it works), I expect to not have to struggle so much financially, I expected to be able to put my savings away until I was ready to buy a house again (sigh) ... and so on.

Which brings me back to me. *I* must be the problem. Life was good/bad... I fixed it, started again. Life was good... then the old good/bad came into play again. It follows me everywhere I go. Like I'm cursed or something lol. I shouldnt crap on and get all woest me cos it doesn't achieve anything.

I'm missing something... I think its my soul lol. If anyone sees it wandering around can they return it to me please?