WTB a baby daughter who doesn't fart so bad that I can't breathe when she's on my lap

Ok I apologise for the woest me'ness of the previous blog. I was just pissed. And not the good sort of pissed, not the oh my god I'm so drunk I have to pee in the back yard type of pissed. Just good old fashioned anger.

Life goes on you know, except of course in those cases, where, well, it doesn't. Um. Yeah. Anyway, I am woman, hear me roar.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about my marriage. I think perhaps I expect too much, maybe its an ego thing, maybe I really am too selfish. But I want it all, not half of it. I want to love and be loved. I want to value someone and be valued in return. No, scrap that. IF I'm in a relationship thats what I want. I'm starting to wonder whether perhaps I'm just the type of person who should be single, on my own, Miss Independent... keep your distance... or however that song goes. It's easier to be single I think, to be emotionally unattached. No expectations, no disappointment, no pain. And no I'm not all stupid depressed, I'm just being rational.

Was my marriage a mistake? Sometimes I think maybe it was, its hard to say. We're not very compatible communication wise, personality wise, any wise... but I look into the smiling faces (heck even the midnight tantrum faces!!) of my children and I know without a doubt that I don't regret it. Whatever happens, my life has been enriched by these two kids. I was not supposed to be able to carry to term, I was not supposed to be able to have more babies... but here are two of them. So fuck fate, fuck all that "whats meant to be" bullshit. I don't think everything happens for a reason but I DO think you're wise to find a reason in everything that happens.

Alana and Noah, and Laura and Zac (but they're older and don't need me as much), are my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I'm tempted to include my latest wow addiction here... my desire to get exalted with the newest faction... but I'm being... good... Fact is, I have my children, I have friends close by who support me, and I have long distance friends who try to listen to my rambling bullshit and not get too annoyed with me lol. Fuck the rest of the world.

Like I said, I am woman, hear me roar.