Everything I've learned in life, I learnt from...

..."Buffy The Vampire Slayer":

1. Testosterone is the great equalizer; it turns all men into morons.
2. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.
3. Variety is the spice of bad.
4. Blood is life. It's what makes you warm, makes you hard, makes you other than dead.
5. Always carry a beeper in case the apocalypse comes.
6. A good day to break up with someone is any day but Valentine's Day or your wedding day.
7. Be careful what you wish for. And whom you make wishes to.
8. There comes a time when you either have to move out of your parents' basement or buy yourself a Klingon costume and just go with it.
9. Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
10. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever. But get over it or pretty soon you won't have the friends you have now.
11. There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
12. Want. Take. Have.
13. Beer is bad. And also foamy.
14. There's nothing like getting your ass kicked to make your ass hurt.
15. People in love are always a little crazy. And a little dangerous.
16. It's not always about you.
17. Tell people you love them over and over until it makes everyone uncomfortable, just in case.
18. Life is like becoming vampire: it's a whole big sucking thing.
19. The geeks shall inherit the earth. Or possibly conquer it.
20. In life you can either do things the hard way or...actually, there's just the hard way.
21. Schools are just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons... Who go on to be very valuable and productive members of society and you should go.
22. Never kiss your best friend. (Exemption for impending death situations.)
23. Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. No, really.
24. Tact is just not saying true stuff.
25. Saying "as long as nothing bad happens" is the ultimate jinx.
26. Chicks really dig that billowy-coat-king-of-pain thing.
27. Life's a show and we all play our part.
28. Dancing and songs don't always lead to hugs and puppies.
29. Witty repartee will throw off your enemies.
30. Life's not a song. Life isn't bliss. Life is just this: it's living.
31. Always laugh in the face of danger. And then hide until it goes away.
32. Logic has no place in a rant.
33. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie. They eat of the beef and enjoy to look at the bosoms.
34. Graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around and listen to boring speeches till you get a little piece of paper that says you graduated, which you already know.
35. The "he started it" defense only works in six-year-old court.
36. The earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
37. There are three kinds of people that no one understands: geniuses, madmen, and guys that mumble.
38. Bruises fade but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life.
39. When you leave someone at the alter, it's really hard to go back to dating her.
40. It is sometimes possible to save the world with just words, love, and a yellow crayon.

Truth is I stole this blog from Moth... who stole this blog from some other guy (see the Buffy link above). And yes I cut the list down to just the things I've learned lol. I mean, shit, this guy's list was like 150 items lol. I couldn't even concentrate for long enough to get to the end of his list. Seriously. :P

But back to Moth and his What Would Buffy Do blog. People like Buffy (and Angel.. don't forget Angel! *hugs my Angel doll*) because its funny, its unpredictable and, let's face it, cos its just a little stupid at times. Pure escapism and fantasy. The characters were flawed (case in point - Anya) and hence seemed 'real' despite the unrealness of the plot etc. We cried when Buffy and Angel finally did "it" after months of sexual tension... we cried when Buffy killed Angel to save the world... heck, some of us even cried when Tara got shot (not me, tho, I couldn't stand her lol). Some of us also cried when Buffy tried to sing in the Buffy musical episode... "I was in heav---en, I was in heav---en".... I cringe every time I think about it.

Moth, seriously, forget the whole "Buffy is the most religious show on TV cos of the prophecies and cos Buffy is the saviour of the world blah blah blah" crap. What a pile of b.s.

Buffy's not a religion. Buffy isn't a saviour. Buffy is just this: it's Buffy.

yo...

Yes I am sometimes neurotic and yes I am sometimes sorta OCD-y. Just occasionally. At uni I used to do all sorts of weird stuff lol, like carry my toothbrush everywhere cos I "had" to brush my teeth everytime I ate anything... everytime I drank anything... and omg if I had coke, it was like a 5 min brushing!!

I'm pretty good now tho I think. I still see structure and balance and parallels between stuff... like the white lines on the road, or the distance between my foot and the curb or some other insane thing. I most often think about it in terms of elastics... remember that game kids play with the elastics? You used to have to aim for the perfect centre etc... well thats what I think of way too often with regards to the white lines on the road or the distance between light poles... I know, I know. Weird. Heck... at least I don't tap words out on an imaginery keyboard in my sleep anymore... lol.

Strange thing is, my 11 yr daughter was describing very, very similar behaviour herself on the weekend. She was talking about the white lines on zebra crossings and how she likes to stand evenly on and between them... sigh. Maybe its genetic?

My latest fascination, however, is with number plates and, well, my name (yes, yes, make ego jokes, I don't care). I literally see my name everywhere, in nearly every number plate. Well... the ones that stand out anyway. To the non-me number plates I say pfft!

Not that this is difficult being that there are sooo many ways to give one's name meaning with three letters. Think about it... I have three initials, easy. But I also have a maiden name... and I shall soon be changing my name... so thats actually three different versions of the three initial thing alone. And then, my name being Jo, I can easily adapt this logic to include J-O- and then any one of the 3 surname initials. And then there's the fact that my surname change will actually be to Cross. So not only can that last initial be C, but it can also be X to symbolise an actual cross. And THEN, I used to be called Jo Jo as a kid (hate that with a vengeance, stupid relatives!), so I can also adapt J-J- and then anyone of the last initials as well.

Sigh. Get the picture? It's like my name is everywhere!!!!

I think, well, I know, I'm a little weirded out by the upcoming name change. I've been Jo K for 11 years now and I'm used to it... so I feel almost as if I'm losing part of me. And yet on the other hand... cool, new name lol. Same as Noah, yay. Yep, I'm fickle. But I think this new name initial / number plate obsession is related to the whole wedding thing... or at least I'm telling myself that cos otherwise I seem insane for no reason at all.

Here's just a few of the number plates I've seen recently that made me do a double take and think "omg its me!!" LOL

JSH JSK JSC JSX (my 2nd name Sux :P)

JOH JOK JOC JOX (obvious lol)

JJH JJK JJC JJX (yep, Jo Jo *shudders*)

JNX (Jo & Noah X) JLX (Jo & Luke X)

JOE (well, why not!)

EEK (long story... I so want this number plate!)

INA (just like my car! I've seen a few ina's lately!)

And I get doubly excited if the numbers match too. Like... 317 my birthdate, or 974 my birthyear, or 32 anything - my age lol. I also get excited if I see a car with the same 3 numbers as my ina too lol. Sad huh.

Sigh. Perhaps I should make a new blog label and call it "this insanity is driving me crazy".

omg how many more years of the wiggles have I got left? arrrghhh, someone turn it off!

Man, I'm so pathetic I cried reading reviews for Pirates 3 this morning. Lol. Seriously.

Plot at wit's end

Kerry Bashford

Although one wouldn't expect it to set sail into the sunset anytime soon, "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End", this third instalment of this spectacularly successful series, seems intent on bringing the action to a close. There is a sense of world ending, as the title suggests, and this is certainly as apocalyptic as an epic gets. But try and make sense of the story and "At World's End" will have you at your wit's end.

While the first "Pirates" concentrated on character and the second accentuated action, the third episode settles for splendour and spectacle. Gore Verbinski takes us on a breathtaking journey with battles more brilliantly rendered and adventure more daring than the first two films. But with all the colour and movement and sound and fury at their disposal, it doesn't make up for a story that seems lost at sea.

What passes for a plot in "At World's End" is a confusing mash of mythologies and seafaring legends as the film struggles towards a coherent climax. In keeping with this being perhaps the darkest of the series, the conclusion is also more melancholy than might have been expected. In fact some might find the whole thing too long and languorous with even the exhilarating set pieces not enough to stop a certain sinking feeling.

Certainly there is no issue with the acting. Having created one of the truly iconic performances of his generation, Johnny Depp does not disappoint. He so owns the character Sparrow, he gets to play it several times over in a number of fantasy sequences. Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom are given a bit more to work with too this time around but seem lightweight compared to the scene-stealing swashbucklers at their side.

Thankfully this time Geoffrey Rush steps more into the spotlight and his lock on the character is as impeccable as his timing. Bill Nighy is more touching than terrifying under all that tentacled prosthetics and Chow Yun-Fat is a welcome addition although he is so duplicitous it's hard to make out his motivation - but then everyone seems to be charting their own course here.

In the end the world of the pirates is so treacherous not even the viewer can chart a course safely through its waters. Each character seems on a different quest but in the end, amidst the ear-splitting chaos, you may cease to care.

And from, I dunno, someone else... (I include this part of the review cos I think the best parts of Pirates 2 were the "jungle and beach antics". Pity. Cos it was darn funny.)

While the frivolous insanity of "Dead Man's Chest" is lacking in this new tale, there are enough spectacular action sequences, tongue-in-cheek humour and eye-popping special effects to keep fans of the series entertained... The action sequences are mostly confined to sword fights and cannon bombs between rival ships; audiences who delighted in the jungle and beach antics of "Dead Man's Chest" might be disappointed. At 168 minutes, "At World's End" can get tedious.

The official website - Everything Pirates. I'm really really hoping to go see it tomorrow night. This baby blob is making me so damn ill so damn often its hard to make any plans at all. Grrr.

In other news, I've started to read the news... shocked? Online of course. Not every morning cos that would be, like, a routine. Just some mornings. Like today! lol.

So... *drum roll*... news stories of the day (according to me of course!) -

• Gay bar bans heteros... wow, legal anti discrimination. Interesting turn of events.
• HA... can love make you fat? Are you too content in your relationship - are you turning into a fatty? Eek. Do the test and find out if this is you... or you could always just look in the mirror lol. Sigh... it doesn't mention pregnancy or illness... or is that just an excuse? Damn.

LOL... 100 impressions in 5 mins

*yawns on cue*

I just got home from taking the kids to school... Noah hasn't slept yet today... there's washing to do and breaky dishes to do and all Noah's mess from last night (man he's destructive!) and beds to make and and and... all the normal vacuuming and toilet cleaning and stuff.

Sigh.

I am a house slave.

Sigh.

I'm not a good house slave atm, granted, but I still feel like one. Perhaps I shouldn't have walked upstairs and turned the computer on....

Can I sit here all day and bitch and moan about the state of my house? Or is that the definition of procrastination?

Sigh.

Maybe after stupid lunch I'll do some stupid house work. Stupid house work is so stupid.

Oh great, now WK needs help analysing that stupid Hinder song lol. Stupidity seems to be everywhere today lol.

*insert more procrastination type crap here*

eek

Is it just me or are testicles just plain weird?

Wikipedia... The testicle (from Latin testis, plural testes) is the male generative gland in animals. Male mammals have two testicles, which are often contained within an extension of the abdomen called the scrotum.

Thanks Wiki but I sorta already knew that bit lol.

*scours the net looking for interesting info about the aforementioned generative gland otherwise known as the testes*

Wanna know what happens to someone who somehow manages to "lose" his testicles?
Man, youtube is an amazingly educational source...
I wonder if this interviewer managed to keep his job lol.



Um... apparently testicles aren't just a matter of comedy.
They're also a delicassy in some cultures.
Eek. Let's so not go there... I'm feeling ill all of a sudden.



Preparing testicles in Jakata... where they're known as Sweet Meats.
Warning: never eat anything called Sweet Meats when overseas.

Vomit.

Blog over.

P.S. I'm soooo not gonna blog this... but here's the link anyway.
Male genital and rectum exam: a practical guide
About time men experienced invasive medical procedures lol.
LOL.. as in... real life lol'ing.

I dunno... I think at this point I should change my personal motto to "sanity is overrated" and just go with the flow

I guess I've never really pretended to be 100% sane or, for that matter, 100% "normal". Normal means predictable... and if I was even able to predict my own behaviour, well, I think even I would get bored with myself. I don't like monotony or predictability. Stability and security yes, monotony no.

Like the weekend for instance... *insert drum roll*... Evidence #1 for my insanity.

We were sitting around the house all day Sunday (not our house, the inlaws, but thats hardly the point lol). I kept bitching I needed to "do" something... and about 3pm the bitching increased to the point where WK was like "ok, what the fk do you want to do then?"

My response... "I dunno, something, anything".

Aren't you glad you don't live with me lol.

I need spontaneity every time that spontaneity is actually possible i.e. whenever someone else is there to look after the baby lol. I need to just get up and do "something". I need to jump in the car and wonder where I'm going and what I'm going to do WHILE I'm driving. Yep... I'm neither sane nor a good driver. But, meh.

Which brings me to Evidence #2 in the "i think i'm not sane" theory.

I seem to have a major driving flaw. Apart from my inability to focus on the road and indicate at every turn and all those other blah things that people who get to sit in my passenger seat complain about. It's called minor risk taking people (and by "it" I mean my driving lol), deal with it!

Ok ok... truth is I have this silly habit of crying in the car. When I'm depressed about something, the only places I ever cry are in the shower or the car. When I'm pregnant and hormonal and stressed about pregnancy stuff, I cry in the car. When Noah was in the hospital and I had to drive there every few hours to feed him, I cried the whole way there and the whole way back. Its like my crying spot. In the car. Weird.

And probably not safe lol, since I really should be focussing on the road etc. Oops.

I think its cos the car is this isolated place where I'm alone... cept for Noah of course. I try not to randomly cry in front of the other two kids... cos when I do they of course ask why I'm crying. Which starts a whole convo about something or other... when the truth is that I just do it.

The other day I cried the whole way home from school in the morning, and poor WK had to put up with the mess I was when I walked in the door. A stupid song came on the stupid radio and it got me thinking about a family friend who passed away recently and how sad I was for my family and his family that he wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. At least that was a decent thing to cry about I guess. Sometimes its much more random... altho almost always song-inspired. Eek, emo tendencies.

The ironic thing is that I'm so not an emotional person. Which only adds to the insanity issue I guess. Oops, I probably should have left that little bit of self analysis out. No point adding fuel to the fire.

Let's end with Evidence #3 cos, to be honest, its probably a never ending list... and this is probably the most outstanding piece of evidence to support the "i aint sane" idea.

Assuming all goes well, by the end of the year we'll have another little baby in our midst. Yep, count them. 1.. 2.. 3... 4 children. Thats four. 4. Now if giving birth four times isn't stupid enough, the act of raising four kids is damn well insane. Four. 4. God help me.

lol

why is it so?

1. Why does chocolate taste better and why does creamy pasta look so much more inviting when you're on a diet?
Mmm... chocolate...

2. Why do you crave things like beer or vodka when you're pregnant?
Seriously, that can't be a part of the whole evolution thing.

3. Why do some people have all the luck and other people like me have, lets be honest, none?
I can't believe I'm gonna be pregnant at the darn wedding, grr, unfair! I'm still gonna have a champagne or two... I'll just have to hide it from WK somehow. :P

4. Why do other people rave about their perfect babies who "are sleeping all night already" when they're only like, hours old virtually, and I have to have Mr Insomniac Noah who not only doesn't sleep but also hates his cot?
I think everyone else lies lol. It's part of that whole "not my child, my kid is perfect" parenting trap. Either that or Noah's just a pain in the butt.

5. Why is it that everyone makes loud noises around you when you're feeling sick or whatever? Kids suddenly deciding to practise their recorder for instance, at the exact time that your head is pounding - whats with that?
Solution - don't have kids in the first place. My head hurts dammit. Why, oh why did you invent recorders! *shakes fist at God*

WoW... how good is pb?

Point #1:

My WoW addiction has somewhat fizzled. I'm just too tired all the time to play, and busy. Damn real life getting in the way of my gnomey life! Whats with that! I've only played for about 2 hours in 2 weeks... its insane. :P

Note to self - don't worry yet, I'll get my priorities back soon. Sleep, pfft. Housework, pfft. Parenting, pfft. Helping WK with his uni assignments, pfft. World of Warcraft is where its at.

I miss my little gnomey. Next time I'm WoWing I'll "screenshot or it didn't happen" so I can post a pic of my gnome and my mage.

Yep I have two characters... a gnome warlock and a draenei mage. My g-nomey is lvl 70 so I guess she's my "main" as the wow geeks say, but my mage is getting there, lvl 45. She's becoming more fun to play now that I "get" the mage thing better.

Blah blah.. insert more wow geeky stuff here... blah blah.

Point #2:

PB aka Prison Break, not the dirty flying "wish I was Batman" kinda pb. I'm almost finished watching season 2 of pb. Awesome awesome show. In an effort not to give away any spoilers... actually no I don't care. Stop reading if you don't want to know the "future" of pb.

In season 1 Michael Scofield commits a crime.. robs a bank actually... all in an effort to get inside the prison where his brother Linc is incarcerated, awaiting his execution for the murder of the vice president's brother. Trick is, Michael was the architect or engineer or something... so he knows the prison AND he has a coded version of the entire prison plans (and later it turns out his entire prison escape plan) tattooed onto his body. He's a smart boy.

A zillion things happen along the way and there ends up being a gang of escapees, including the disgusting T-bag (paedophile, rapist and child murderer.. he is soo creepy but you learn more about his life in season 2 and almost - I said almost, not quite - feel sorry for him)... um, actually I can't remember the rest. There's a guy with a family he's trying to get out to be with, a guy with a pregnant gf who almost marries someone else, a mob boss, a mental patient (he's really quite funny in season 2 altho I can't work out why his character even exists, sorta pointless), a young untrustworthy kid (who proves his worth in the end by not ratting his friends out when it mattered most, and then paying for it with his life)... and there could be more but I'm tired. Can't remember.

So.. end of season 1... they escape the prison. But no thats not the end of prison break... cos in season 2 they have to continue to elude the authorities etc etc.

But back to Linc and Michael. Turns out Linc is innocent (well we knew that from the start, doh), but it also turns out that we know he's innocent cos the vice president is actually alive and living in Vermont. Interesting twist lol.

Season 2 pretty moves between -

1. the quest for $5million (loot from some old guy's old crime... he tells Michael the location of the $ in prison)
2. the capturing and sometimes death of the escapees one by one
3. the exploration of each of the characters real lives - their pasts, who they really are, etc (which is really, really interesting I think)
4. the quest to prove Linc's innocence and thereby save not only Michael and Linc but also Linc's son CJ who has been stuck in the saga from the start and Michael's sorta gf (lets call her a love interest) and the doctor from the prison, Sarah
5. the development of Michael and Sarah's budding romance... which is kinda funny, kinda sad, and kinda poignant at times. It was really funny the way they first said I love you... and my quotes won't be exact btw...
   Sarah: one of the prison rules was to not fall in love with an inmate
   *gives Michael a knowing look*
   *insert big sloppy kisses here*
   Then later in the same episode -
   Michael: I didn't say the right thing earlier... me too.
   And thats it. Lol.

One of the most ironic things about pb is the sheer number of people who die in this show. I mean, boy-genius Michael contrives his way to get into prison, then to break out, all in an effort to save his brother's life. And lets not forget that some pretty hardcore crims escape alongide Michael and Linc, like the mob boss Brutzi (or something like that) and of course T-bag.

Here's just a few of the people who die in order to "save" Linc... (and I apologise in advance for the fact that this list is 1. not in order and 2. not going to include everyone lol)

• the love of Linc's life, lawyer Veronica... along with her husband
• Linc's other lawyer.. whatever his name was
• CJ's mother and step-father... CJ being Linc's son
• a prison guard, stabbed by T-bag
• Paul the bad guy's partner, who he shot cos he was about to "dob" on the conspiracy
• the old guy prisoner guy... you know... the one who hid the $5mil... him
• a couple of the escapees who shall remain nameless :P
• allll the people T-bag kills after escaping, including the guy he kills to steal his prosthetic hand (yep T-bag is one handed in season 2)
• the fat balding prison guard who got fired in season 1... what was his name? He and Bellick start chasing the $5mil but he ends up dead on the way. Oops, spoiler.
• Michael and Linc's father
• Ohhhh and the vicepresident's bro, the guy who Linc was supposed to have murdered in the first place
• Sarah's politician father, who redeems himself of his "bad guy" title before he dies
• ... and I dunno, heaps of police and bad guys and innocent bystanders... can't remember... apparently 44 people died during seasons 1 and 2. Or at least thats according to some fan blog I read earlier lol.

So... roll on season 3. I wonder how many more scrapes Scofield can save them all from, I wonder if the pb world will ever learn how evil the US govt is, I wonder if Linc will ever be exonerated, I wonder if they'll end up back in jail, I wonder if Sarah and Michael will get it on, I wonder if Linc will be reunited with his son, I wonder if Sucre will ever marry his gf, I wonder how many more people T-bag will kill before he gets caught, I wonder who will end up with the $5mil (or whats left of it), I wonder if anyone will remember to go see the old man's dying daughter in hospital and tell her her father loved her (it was his money after all! or did Michael do that in episode 1 of season 2 cos I missed that one?), I wonder if Michael will get any new tattooes, I wonder if something bad will eventually happen to the nasty Bellick (ex prison guard and definite bad guy), I wonder if Paul the bad guy turned good will actually stick to his newfound goodness or whether its just temporary, I wonder if Mahone (bad fbi guy in season 2) will ever find his humanity or heck just die and let the storyline move on (he's nasty)...

I still haven't watched the last two episodes of season 2 yet. I wonder if they'll answer any of the above questions lol. Here's hoping so. :D