I dunno... I think at this point I should change my personal motto to "sanity is overrated" and just go with the flow

I guess I've never really pretended to be 100% sane or, for that matter, 100% "normal". Normal means predictable... and if I was even able to predict my own behaviour, well, I think even I would get bored with myself. I don't like monotony or predictability. Stability and security yes, monotony no.

Like the weekend for instance... *insert drum roll*... Evidence #1 for my insanity.

We were sitting around the house all day Sunday (not our house, the inlaws, but thats hardly the point lol). I kept bitching I needed to "do" something... and about 3pm the bitching increased to the point where WK was like "ok, what the fk do you want to do then?"

My response... "I dunno, something, anything".

Aren't you glad you don't live with me lol.

I need spontaneity every time that spontaneity is actually possible i.e. whenever someone else is there to look after the baby lol. I need to just get up and do "something". I need to jump in the car and wonder where I'm going and what I'm going to do WHILE I'm driving. Yep... I'm neither sane nor a good driver. But, meh.

Which brings me to Evidence #2 in the "i think i'm not sane" theory.

I seem to have a major driving flaw. Apart from my inability to focus on the road and indicate at every turn and all those other blah things that people who get to sit in my passenger seat complain about. It's called minor risk taking people (and by "it" I mean my driving lol), deal with it!

Ok ok... truth is I have this silly habit of crying in the car. When I'm depressed about something, the only places I ever cry are in the shower or the car. When I'm pregnant and hormonal and stressed about pregnancy stuff, I cry in the car. When Noah was in the hospital and I had to drive there every few hours to feed him, I cried the whole way there and the whole way back. Its like my crying spot. In the car. Weird.

And probably not safe lol, since I really should be focussing on the road etc. Oops.

I think its cos the car is this isolated place where I'm alone... cept for Noah of course. I try not to randomly cry in front of the other two kids... cos when I do they of course ask why I'm crying. Which starts a whole convo about something or other... when the truth is that I just do it.

The other day I cried the whole way home from school in the morning, and poor WK had to put up with the mess I was when I walked in the door. A stupid song came on the stupid radio and it got me thinking about a family friend who passed away recently and how sad I was for my family and his family that he wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. At least that was a decent thing to cry about I guess. Sometimes its much more random... altho almost always song-inspired. Eek, emo tendencies.

The ironic thing is that I'm so not an emotional person. Which only adds to the insanity issue I guess. Oops, I probably should have left that little bit of self analysis out. No point adding fuel to the fire.

Let's end with Evidence #3 cos, to be honest, its probably a never ending list... and this is probably the most outstanding piece of evidence to support the "i aint sane" idea.

Assuming all goes well, by the end of the year we'll have another little baby in our midst. Yep, count them. 1.. 2.. 3... 4 children. Thats four. 4. Now if giving birth four times isn't stupid enough, the act of raising four kids is damn well insane. Four. 4. God help me.